Lorelei's birth story

A few days before Lorelei was born I started feeling a bit unsettled.  I couldn’t put my finger on exactly what was wrong but I was just really emotional and couldn’t sit still.  I had this crazy urge to just clean!  I was cleaning windows and dusting cobwebs from the ceiling in the days before she was born.  I remember I’d planned to wash everyone’s sheets on the day I went into labour and I was really excited about that (crazy!!).  I met with my midwife Jacqui on the Friday before Lorelei was born and we both thought that this ‘unsettledness’ might mean something was going to happen soon.  Lorelei was also engaged and really low in my pelvis too and I was starting to feel really uncomfortable. At this stage I wasn’t even quite 39 weeks but my babies have all chosen completely different times of gestation to be born so it didn’t surprise me at all to get these ‘signs’ at this stage. 

On the Saturday night before she came I had a bit of a cry with Chris, telling him that I wasn’t ready to have this baby.  I was worried about the pain and of not coping.  I was worried about throwing up during labour (which, ironically, I never have for any of the other kids!)  He comforted me and told me that it would all be ok, that I was always amazing giving birth.  I sat and read in bed for a while and then Chris came to bed.  Me, being obsessed with having all things clean, asked him if he’d cleaned the kitchen ( I just had this ‘thing’ where I didn’t want to go into labour with the kitchen a mess – it was a huge mess when we had Gideon because he came so unexpectantly and I didn’t want it to happen again!)   He hadn’t so I made him go and clean it (yeah, I feel kind of bad about that looking back at it now – the things my hubby puts up with from me!) 

At about 2am that night I woke up.  I lay there for a while wondering why I felt so wide awake all of a sudden and then I felt a pain.  It was almost like an intense Braxton Hicks but there was something a little different about it.  I decided to just lie there and see what happened.  About 10 minutes later, I had another of the same pains and 10 minutes later, another.  Something was definitely happening!  For an hour they continued about every 10 minutes and then from 3 onwards they started happening every 5-10 minutes.  Even though Gideon’s birth has been quite quick (three hours) I wasn’t concerned about waking Chris or calling my midwives yet. The pains were frequent but they weren’t intense yet and I could get through them lying down. 

Just after 4, I had a pain that was a bit more intense.  Then I realised that the ‘trickling’ feeling I was getting was possibly my hind waters breaking.  It was a bit of a novel experience having my waters break before I got to the pushing stage – in four births this was the first time it had happened!  Luckily, I had thought to put a waterproof sheet on my side of the bed still.  I decided that it was time to wake up Chris and tell him that things were happening. He was awake pretty quickly and straight into organisational mode – filling birth pool, getting the urn on to boil, moving the car up the top so our midwives could fit in the driveway!  I had a couple more intense pains but they seemed to slow down a bit once we were actually awake.  We took the opportunity to get some last minute naked tummy photos – I wanted to remember the last few moments of my last pregnancy!

About 4:30 we thought we should probably ring our midwife, Jan and tell her what was going on – she wanted to know as soon as I went into labour in case things moved quickly.  We rang her and had to leave a message on her mobile.  After about half an hour with no call back (very unusual for Jan who always answers middle of the night calls very quickly!) we tried her pager.  Still no response!  That’s ok, we’ll try Jacqui instead.  So we did and had to leave a message on her phone too.  And still no phone calls back again!  Chris and I had a little laugh about not being able to contact anyone.  I wasn’t too worried about things moving quickly and besides which, I knew we’d be capable of doing this by ourselves in it came to that!  At about 6, we got a frantic call from Jan.  ‘What’s happening?  I’m on my way right NOW.’  Apparently she’d left her pager in the car and didn’t hear her phone ring. 

On her way Jan sent a text to Chris asking him what was happening.  I told him to text her back and say that it was probably nothing (contractions were not as regular now and I was really questioning whether I should have called everyone!) Her reply: ‘So I should slow down then?’  Chris sent one back saying ‘yes, don’t get pulled over!’.  Jan ended up arriving just after 7.  It was reassuring to have her here and made everything seem a lot more real.  She checked what was going on with me, by that stage contractions had slowed quite a bit with only the occasional intense one.  The kids were starting to wake up now and came into the bedroom to see what was happening.  They were excited to hear that the baby would be coming soon (although I think Esme expected it to come very soon, she’s not the most patient person!)  Jacqui arrived shortly afterwards and then my Mum arrived a bit later to look after the kids (we’d left it to a civilised time to ring her!)  I went downstairs to have some breakfast and to organise breakfast for the kids. 

Once I was upright and moving the contractions started to have a bit more ‘bite’ to them.  I had to stop and concentrate when they came.  I laboured downstairs for awhile while my Mum read a million and one books to the kids.  Jan and Jacqui were discussing whether they would go out to get some breakfast but in the end Jan decided that they would stay ‘just in case’ even though I tried to convince them to go, I still felt like there was ages to go until I had this baby.  Jan suggested that Chris and I go upstairs by ourselves for a bit.  So we did, it was nice just sitting together on the bed and talking with Chris supporting me when the contractions hit.  I remember complaining about being bored during the gap between contractions and feeling like I needed something to do.  The contractions had gone back to not being as regular and intense and I was in this weird headspace where I wanted them to get a lot stronger and painful so I knew that the baby would be born soon but also being a little fearful and apprehensive about what was to come. 

Jan would come in sporadically and see how we were going and do some checks on me.  She watched me go through some contractions and suggested that it was probably pre labour and that I needed to do something to get it started properly.  The first thing she suggested was nipple stimulation.  Apparently Chris wasn’t aware that this could be useful and he thought the idea was quite a novel one.  Before the words were even hallway out of Jan’s mouth I said to her, ‘don’t tell him that’.  Needless to say, I was not in the mood!  Jan’s other suggestion was for me to go for a walk outside.  She felt that I was distracted by the noise of the kids downstairs (who were playing very nicely – but loudly! – with Mum and Jacqui).  Esme had also been in and out of the room.  I think she was feeling a bit anxious about the noises I was making and what was happening.  For all her bravado, she’s actually quite tuned into our moods and emotions and is very sensitive.  She insisted that she wanted to come for a walk with us (not part of Jan’s original idea!) but eventually we convinced all of them to go outside in the cubby with my Mum to give us a bit of peace and quiet. 

Chris and I went downstairs and I started to walk around the kitchen.  By this stage it was around 9 or a bit later.  Contractions ramped up a lot now.  Chris was filling buckets from the urn and taking them to the pool upstairs but he kept having to stop and support me through another contraction.  It got to the point where he couldn’t even get a bucket filled between each contraction.  They were really intense now and I was having to vocalise during each one.  We made the decision to move upstairs to the bedroom and get the bed set up for the birth.  Jan, Jacqui and the student midwife came up too. 

I started on the bed, kneeling , with Chris in front to support me during contraction.  Then I moved to standing by the side of the bed.  That’s when I started getting the urge to push.  We stripped off my pants in preparation.  Standing up just felt wrong though, my legs were shaking and I didn’t feel like I had the strength to keep standing.  Jan asked me where I wanted to be.  She told me that if I was going to get in the pool now was the time.  We had talked previously about using the pool.  With my other two homebirths I had a pool but didn’t end up using it.  Even though, I love the idea of a water birth for some reason it never felt right to me with the other two births.  The thought did cross my mind to get in the pool but for some reason I thought it might slow the labour and I think there was a fair bit of denial on my part that this baby would actually be born sooner rather than later.  I said to Jan ‘you know I can’t make decisions when I’m in labour’ – she has been with through enough births to know how I ‘do’ them!!   In her usual style, she said to me that she thought that I would birth this baby in the same position that I had birthed my other three babies, that once I was in that position my body would know what to do.  That was when I abandoned any attempts to get in the water and I got up on the bed, kneeling, with Chris (as always) in front to support me. 

As soon as I was in that position, as Jan predicted, my body just took over.  I had a couple of really strong urges to push and as I did, I felt the baby move down.  The kids had come in a little earlier and now Gideon and Esme were standing to the side with Jacqui and Jacob was standing by the door (he was adamant that he didn’t want to come too close)  to watch the baby being born.  The pushing seemed to take forever to me but in actual fact she was out pretty quickly.  During one of the contractions, I remember this overwhelming feeling of not being able to do it.  I actually cried and said to Chris, ‘I can’t do this’.  I physically felt like I couldn’t push the baby out.  I don’t remember saying that during any of the other kids’ births!!  It just all felt so intense.  But Chris was great as usual, reassuring me that I could do it. 

Not long after, her head was out and her body followed pretty quickly.  The feeling of that little body sliding out and that sense of relief of getting her out was so incredibly amazing.  Jan told me to reach down and pick the baby up.  The feel of her little, warm body was so powerful.  I discovered as soon as I picked her up that she was a girl.  I had felt that this baby was a girl during my pregnancy and I had secretly hoped she would be, but to have her here with us was incredible.  I feel so blessed by the arrival of our little girl and to have shared this journey with such an amazing support team, my beautiful midwives, my husband and my mum.  Lorelei’s birth would not have been the same without them!  

My midwives play with the kids while I labour upstairs with Chris!

Chris, supporting me through contractions.

Getting through another tough contraction!

A bit of a break between contractions, they were getting more intense by this stage!

Esme and Gideon stand with Jacqui as they wait for the baby being born.

Jacqui hard at work!

Baby Lorelei is born!  Because of my position while birthing, Chris and I were the first to see her (my midwife Jan was standing behind me)

Picking up my baby for the first time!

A precious baby girl.

Family of six!

All together with our support team - both my midwives and my Mum.

First breastfeed!

Skin to skin time with Daddy.

Daddy with all the kids!

Pregnant with Lorelei

Now she is here!

Introducing Lorelei Alynne!

So, it's been awhile since I have updated this blog (start of this year - eeek!  Where does the time go?!)  Just thought I'd share this photo of our newest addition.  Baby Lorelei was born at the start of November.  I guess you can say that's what I've been doing for the past 9 months instead of blogging - gestating ;)  She is just gorgeous and we love her to pieces.  I'm working on her birth story at the moment so hopefully I will get that up on here soon. 

Gideon's birth story

Our little boy, Gideon Frederick, came into this world on Saturday the 18^th of June at 9.06am. He surprised us all by being exactly two weeks early and weighed only 6pd6oz. My pregnancy and birth with Gideon has been very different to that of the other two. It’s been a time of reflection and learning for me as I worked through all the emotions surrounding my ectopic pregnancy and miscarriage the year before. I truly believe this was the reason Gideon was sent to us – to teach me about myself and make me a stronger person. I feel blessed for the precious miracle our little boy is.

Gideon’s birth story begins with gastro. Probably not the nicest way to start a birth story but I truly believe that’s what started everything happening. The Thursday night before I had him I was up all night with gastro. I actually thought it might be labour starting then as I was having really bad cramps. But when I focused on the cramps I realized they were coming from my stomach and that I wasn’t getting those familiar tightenings when they came. The next day I still felt quite washed out and not quite 100%. Chris took the day off and the kids went to my Mum’s for the day and I spent the day resting in bed.

I went to bed early that night and on Saturday morning I woke up at 5.09 with quite a strong pain. I thought to myself, ‘I wonder if that’s a contraction?’ but decided that there was no way it could be with it still being 2 weeks until I was due. I lay in bed but couldn’t get back to sleep. 20 minutes later I felt another pain and realized that they were contractions after all. I also realized that I hadn’t been sleeping very well all night and that I’d been having regular tightenings while I slept. I debated whether to wake Chris up to tell him but decided I’d wait and see what happened. I was quite adamant that the contractions were simply pre-labour as I’d heard so much about pre-labour and third babies.

I started getting contractions every 10 minutes or less for the next while. I decided to get up to go to the toilet and while I was there I sent a message to my midwife, Jan. I was reluctant to actually ring her because I thought I’d look a bit silly if it was just pre-labour. While I was on the toilet I had quite a few strong contractions close together and that’s when I realized this was definitely the real thing! I went to the door of our bedroom and told Chris that it was definitely happening. I had a contraction while I was standing there and felt the need to vocalize during it (which is a sure sign for me that things are really happening). We thought we’d better call Jan at that point and tell her she needed to come but she beat me to it by ringing. She told me she’d be up straight away.

I had quite a few more contractions while we waited for Jan to arrive. Luckily Chris was there to support me through each one. We rang Mum to tell her to come up (she was to be the support person for Jacob and Esme) and decided to blow up the birth pool. Esme woke up sometime around this time and I remember Chris telling her that we were going to have the baby today. She was very interested and intrigued by everything that was going on.

Jan arrived about 7.30 and things seemed to be progressing well. Contractions were getting closer together and more intense. Jan encouraged me by telling me that the baby was close. I remember Kelly, our second midwife, arriving not long after Jan got here. She walked in during a contraction. I couldn’t look at her as I had to focus on the contraction but managed a smile. It was wonderful to be surrounded by people who cared so much about me.

We talked about where I wanted to be for the birth. We didn’t think there’d be enough time to fill the birth pool and I didn’t feel the need to be in there anyway. All I knew was that I needed Chris to support me and I didn’t feel that he could do that properly when I was in the pool. I remember Jan asking where I wanted to be for the birth but all I could focus on was the contractions at that point, so my answer was ‘I don’t want to make any decisions’. Luckily I had people around me who knew instinctively what I wanted and could make that decision for me.

We decided to set up the bedroom for the birth. Chris brought the candle upstairs, we shut the curtains and turned the lights out and Kelly set about preparing the bed with the plastic sheets which I had (luckily!) already organized. Throughout the whole birth I felt quite present. With Esme’s birth I just sort of zoned out but with this birth I was able to talk and have proper conversations between contractions.

At some point I moved onto the bed. Chris sat in front of me supporting me while I knelt with cushions in front of my tummy. I remember having a lot of trouble finding a comfortable position when a contraction hit which I didn’t remember last time round. Jan and Kelly had their hands on my back providing support during contractions which felt so good. I began to feel the urge to push although this urge was not as strong as it had been for my other two births and seemed to come and go.

We had thought that the baby would be here soon but this pushing stage was a challenge for me during Gideon’s birth and actually really painful. With my other two, I found the pushing stage to be the easiest. A few pushes and they were out. But Gideon had other ideas. I had to battle with my head to birth him.

I didn’t realize until the end of my pregnancy just how much my ectopic pregnancy and miscarriage had affected me. I went into this birth feeling scared about the pain which I never have been before and I think a lot of that stems from the pain I felt when I had the ectopic pregnancy. Tied in with that as well was the shock of needing emergency surgery and being told afterwards that I was lucky to be alive. Also, I don’t think I was physically ready to birth this baby. I’d been so adamant this whole pregnancy that I was going to go over my date and I think my head was trying to tell my body that I wasn’t meant to be birthing him yet!

I’d spoken to Kelly about all of these feelings the week earlier but hadn’t had a chance to talk to Jan, who had been there to support us through the ectopic pregnancy and miscarriage, about it all. The ironic thing was that I had an appointment with her the day before where I was going to talk to her about all this but I had to cancel because I wasn’t well! I think Jan could see that there was something I needed to process before I could birth this baby and she sat next to me on the bed and asked me what was stopping me from birthing this baby. I was having quite long breaks between contractions and needing to push at that stage so I could talk to her about my feelings and being scared of the pain.

Nothing much was happening. I would feel the urge to push with each contraction, but the baby didn’t seem to be moving down much. I could hear Kelly and Jan discussing things quietly in the background and sensed some concern in Jan’s voice. She told me that it was unusual to feel the urge to push with third babies and not push them out quickly. She said she wasn’t worried but wanted to do a check which she did and couldn’t really feel anything. I don’t think I was very cooperative though! It was at this point when I felt a really strong sense of wanting to meet my baby. It suddenly dawned on me that this baby was coming. Today. Perhaps this was the point at which things changed and my headspace shifted to allow this baby to come.

In the end, Jan decided to do a proper internal. She told me that after the next contraction she wanted me to roll over so she could do it. If there’s anything I hate more during labour, it’s having an internal done (and I’d only had it done once, when I had Jacob in hospital all those years ago!) In some ways, I think giving me that ultimatum was the best thing. I remember Jan standing next to me putting on the rubber gloves and thinking ‘I’ve just got to get this baby out’ so with the next contraction I pushed as hard as I could. I felt the most intense pain I have ever felt in my life (even more than with my other births) and remember screaming really loudly as I pushed my baby’s head out. Kelly was standing at the other end and said to Jan ‘I think she’s beating you to it’.

Jacob and Esme were in the room with my Mum watching and waiting for this baby to be born. We had called them in when I started pushing, although we weren’t expecting it to take so long! I remember both of them being a little bit concerned about the noises I was making at some points during the birth but everyone there was able to reassure them that I was ok. They were there as I birthed this baby.

With the baby’s head out, I was able to rest a little bit and with the next few contractions, I pushed my baby all the way out. What a sense of relief and happiness I felt. Overwhelming happiness! Kelly (or Jan, I don’t even know who!) put him between my legs and I reached down to pick him up and hold him against my chest. He was so warm and tiny. And perfect. And loud (he didn’t stop crying for ages!) I was so intent on holding him, that I didn’t even realize that he was a boy until about 5 minutes later when I thought to check. But it didn’t matter anyway. This baby already had a place in my heart. He truly is our precious miracle.

Gideon’s birth would not have been what it was without the support of our wonderful team. I owe a huge thanks to our midwives, Jan and Kelly. Especially Jan who was with us for Esme’s birth and who also provided support to me through some of my darkest times when I lost my two babies. Also to my Mum, who was there to support and provide reassurance to Jacob and Esme during the birth and for everything else she does. And lastly, my amazing husband, Chris, who never doubted my ability and strength to overcome my demons and to birth our precious baby.

Gideon’s name has a special meaning for us. ‘Gideon’ means powerful warrior, which we thought was appropriate after losing two babies before him (and also what we have gone through since he has been in this world!!) His middle name, ‘Frederick’, is after my grandfather who passed away when I was about 6 weeks pregnant. I like to think that my granddad gave up his place on Earth so that Gideon could have a place. I only wish he could have known that I was pregnant before he passed away.

Sometimes I look at Gideon feeding and wonder what the two babies I lost would have looked like and I feel sad. But then I look at the beautiful boy right in front of me and realize just how lucky I am to have him on Earth with me. I will always remember the two angels I lost but I feel healed by Gideon’s birth.

Mum and the kids watch on as Gideon makes his way Earth side.

That moment of overwhelming happiness as I birthed my baby and held him for that very first time.

Pure bliss!

The beauty of homebirth - relaxing and hsaving skin to skin time in my own bed while my midwife watches on.

Family of 5! With our midwife, Jan.

Esme is very haapy to have a little brother!

The proud big brother!

Breastfeeding the second time around

Breastfeeding the second time around has certainly been a much easier experience. I think a lot of it has to do with how my two children were born and how breastfeeding was approached in the early days by my caregivers. This is the story of Jacob's birth, the difficulties we had in establishing our breastfeeding relationship and what happened when Esme was born. I hope you enjoy it!

Jacob’s birth:

Two days before Jacob was due, I woke up just after midnight with a contraction. At first, I wasn’t sure if it was really labour or not. I’d heard so many stories about first babies being overdue that I just assumed that it couldn’t be labour so soon! But, I got another contraction about 20 minutes later and after about 2 hours of these, I decided to wake up Chris. We stayed at home for a few hours but by then contractions were coming every 5 minutes so we decided to head into hospital (little did I know that there was still a long way to go!) Early on in the pregnancy we’d decided that were going to have our baby at a private hospital.

We arrived at the hospital about 5am and I laboured there until Jacob was born at 1.30 that afternoon. The birth was fairly uneventful. I spent most of it in the bath but got out to birth Jacob. The birth was fairly natural, I guess as natural as could be in a hospital setting. I had gas during the labour but no other pain relief. When Jacob was born he was put on my chest and we were given quite a bit of skin to skin time.

The first feed:

After we’d had some skin to skin time, the midwife suggested that I should try to feed Jacob. I felt quite clueless about how to position and how to go about attaching him and I remember feeling grateful that the midwife was helping me so much! This was the same midwife we’d had for the birth and she was quite gentle and relaxed about everything. Jacob really wasn’t interested in feeding and wouldn’t open his mouth wide enough to attach. We tried a few times but ended up just putting him back on my chest. Soon after, the shifts changed and we had another midwife come in to look after us. She was quite forceful about trying to get Jacob attached. It was almost like she was trying to mash his face into my breast. I remember lying there and thinking this doesn’t feel right, surely it shouldn’t be like this. I was feeling upset and worried because Jacob wouldn’t attach and the midwife kept going on about ‘how important’ it was to get him attached in the first hour after birth! I was worried that this would mean I wouldn’t be able to breastfeed him. I had known all through the pregnancy that I wanted to breastfeed and felt upset that maybe I wouldn’t be able to. I didn’t even realise that at this stage I would still be able to express for him! I don’t remember what happened in the end. I know Jacob didn’t feed, but I can’t remember if it was then or later the midwives expressed colostrum from me to feed to him.

The first week in hospital:

We continued to have attachment problems during those first few days. Jacob was quite a sleepy baby so we had to wake him for feeds. At each feed, I would try to attach him but we’d have little success. The midwife would then have to express colostrum from my breasts and feed it to him by syringe. I was never even shown how to express the colostrum myself, although I guess at the time I wasn’t concerned, just grateful that people were helping me when I felt so clueless! It did feel a bit uncomfortable but I didn’t know any better and I certainly didn’t know that I could do it myself!

On the third day of our stay in the hospital, Jacob was admitted to Special care nursery (previously he had been rooming in with us). He had an eye infection and there were concerns that he may be having seizures because of his ‘jerkiness’. I strongly felt that this was normal as I’d often felt him move like that when I was pregnant with him but no one listened to me. I remember when the midwife came in to our room to take him. She told me that he ‘had to’ go to the nursery and I just burst into tears, feeling like my baby was being taken away from me and I had no control. I was already pretty emotional because of the after birth hormones and feeling like a failure because I couldn’t breastfeed him.

That was the start of a whole cascade of events. Jacob was put in an isolette in the nursery under observation and connected to a heart monitor so that we weren’t able to hold him, only put our arms through the tiny holes. We were assigned a paediatrician who, while lovely, was very ‘overzealous’. Jacob was subjected to a barrage of tests to check out what was happening with the suspected seizures. I remember sitting next to him in the nursery when the paed was talking to us and just dissolving into tears. The first night that he was in the nursery he had to have a lumbar puncture. We were told it was better that we weren’t with him when it was done so we sat in our room. We could hear his screaming from the nursery. All Chris and I could do was hold each other while it was happening. For ages afterwards, Jacob was really sensitive on his back and I contribute this to the lumbar puncture.

The paediatrician also advised us that Jacob would need top up feeds of ABM. This was quite shattering for me. If I’d know then what I know now I would not have allowed this to happen. I didn’t have a huge supply of milk but I had enough. By this stage, I was able to use the electric pump to express as my milk was starting to come in and I was able to express a fair bit. Although it never fully ‘came in’ until day 6. I didn’t realise that I could have a say in this sort of stuff, that as long as Jacob was showing all the signs of a good supply I didn’t need to supplement his feeds. To us, the paediatrician was ‘god’. He knew everything and we knew nothing as first time parents.

Around this time also, one of the midwives suggested we try Jacob on the bottle. I didn’t know about ‘nipple confusion’ at this stage so I readily agreed. Surely, it would be an easier way to feed than with a cup or syringe?! Jacob took to the bottle easily. I am however grateful that he didn’t get ‘nipple confusion’. Although there’s no way to really say that his continuing attachment problems weren’t, in part, due to this.

We continued the next few days with trying to attach Jacob at each feed, supplementing expressed milk with ABM and using the bottle. I would go to the nursery to feed him or they would tell me when they thought he needed a feed. He was probably feeding every 3-4 hours at this stage. There was an incident that happened one night that I got particularly upset about. I got up and went to the nursery to feed Jacob. When I got there, I was informed that Jacob had already had a bottle of ABM! I was absolutely furious!! Not only had they fed him when I had made my wishes clear that I wanted to try attaching him at each feed BUT they hadn’t even checked if there was EBM to use in the fridge (which there was!) I felt so violated by this incident and felt as if the staff weren’t respecting my wishes.

On the last night of our hospital stay, a lovely LC there suggested we try a nipple shield. We both agreed that even though a nipple shield wasn’t ideal, it meant that Jacob could attach ‘straight to the source’ so to speak and I didn’t have to pump and feed! I can’t describe just how happy I was the moment he attached to the breast with the nipple shield. I think the LC was just as excited as me too!!

Going home:

The next morning we left hospital. It was day 6 and my milk was just coming in. I suffered terribly from engorgement and oversupply despite using a nipple shield. I guess it didn’t really help that, in hospital, some the midwives had told me that I would probably need to express while I was using the nipple shield as it could affect supply (Talking to people recently about nipple shields, I haven’t met anyone who’s had trouble with supply because of using a nipple shield and can only say that perhaps this was the case in the past when the nipples shields were made of quite thick plastic). Anyway, we’d hired an electric pump when we thought I’d have to express full time so Iafter most feeds I was expressing with this which didn’t help the oversupply issue! No one had explained to me about supply and demand at this stage! I ended up with mastitis. I only realised it was mastitis as I remembered reading a handout the health nurse had given that had mentioned something about high temperatures and flu-like symptoms. I felt terrible but didn’t do anything about it. We were seeing the health nurse that day so I chatted to her about it. She gave me some advice on what to do. Two days later I had an appt to see the LC at the hospital. She agreed it was mastitis and was amazed that I had put up with it for so long. At the appointment she was able to help me clear the blockage. I did see the GP the following day but by that stage I was getting better.

Over the next month or so, we began to wean Jacob off the nipple shield. I was very lucky that the hospital where I’d had him offered free sessions with a lactation consultant. Unfortunately, this is no longer the case and I feel so sad that other people having trouble breastfeeding will no longer have this help. With the help of the LC’s, I was able to devise a plan of how I was going to wean Jacob from the nipple shield, ask questions about concerns I had and just generally feel supported in my quest to breastfeed! I become rather impatient to breastfeed without the nipple shield though. I, rather stupidly, felt that using a nipple shield to feed wasn’t really breastfeeding ‘properly’. I suffered from badly cracked nipples in those days which were so painful. Jacob would often be vomiting blood from all the blood he had ingested while feeding. I ended up dreading feeds and the pain that came with them. Yet, I would sit there trying to get him to open his mouth wide, and trying time and time again to get him on properly. I would be in tears from the pain and sense of failure but I was also getting really angry at Jacob, wondering what was wrong with him because he couldn’t attach! In hindsight, I wish that I hadn’t rushed Jacob to breastfeed without the nipple shield. I wish someone had said to me, ‘you know, it doesn’t matter that he’s feeding with a nipple shield’.

After about a month we were able to let the nipple shield go for good. Breastfeeding still didn’t feel quite right. But it wasn’t casing damage to my nipples so I just assumed that was how it was meant to be. About this time I joined up to the ABA and started going to my local group shortly after. I also joined the online forum. I found a lot of support from both of these.

5 months down the track:

Breastfeeding continued to feel not quite right and when Jacob was about 5 months old, I again suffered problems. I ended up with quite a badly cracked nipple again and then got a blocked duct on top of that! It was a horrible time. I remember one night Jacob went longer without a feed overnight and my breasts were so full and sore, especially with the blocked duct, I had to get up to express. I couldn’t get the milk to flow and all I ended up with in the pump was a drop of blood from my cracked nipple. Luckily, by this stage I knew where to go for help. I rang the helpline and also a counsellor from my local group as well. Even if they couldn’t really help me, they were able to support me and reassure me that things would work out. This is what got me through this difficult time.

The crack in my nipple lasted a long time; I even ended up going to the GP to find out if it was an infection. It wasn’t, it was just a very deep crack that took a long time to heal. The crack had healed by the time Jacob was about 7 months old and all of a sudden breastfeeding just seemed to click! I didn’t feel pain any longer and I was actually enjoying feeding Jacob. It was incredible! I don’t know what it was although I have always questioned whether Jacob had an undiagnosed tongue tie. Actually, when I was seeing my midwife when pregnant with Esme, she happened to see inside his mouth and said to me, ‘he’s got a tongue tie! Did you have trouble breastfeeding him?’ I can’t tell you the sense of relief I felt when she said that. It was like someone, finally, had been able to answer why our breastfeeding relationship was just so darn hard. I’m very pleased to say though, that despite these difficulties establishing a breastfeeding relationship, Jacob is still feeding at almost 3 ½!

Esme’s homebirth:

After the experiences we had with Jacob’s birth and the difficulties we had in establishing our breastfeeding relationship in hospital, we decided that our next child would be born at home. We wanted care providers who we would get to know intimately during the pregnancy and who shared similar thoughts on birth and breastfeeding.

I went into labour with Esme at about 9am in the morning. Contractions actually started while I was breastfeeding Jacob. The labour started slowly and gradually with contractions every 10-20 minutes that were quite gentle. Chris came home from work at about 11.30 and we spent most of the day together as a family. My mum turned up about 4pm to look after Jacob who was going to be present at the birth. At about 5pm contractions suddenly picked up and started coming one on top of each other. I was quite surprised by the sudden intensity of them! We rang our doula and our midwife who were on their way immediately. Our doula arrived first and while she was here I felt the urge to push. Luckily though, Esme waited for our midwife – just! About 20 minutes after she arrived, Esme made her way into the world. Although we’d planned on a waterbirth, Esme had other ideas and arrived while I was kneeling on the ground, holding onto Chris. Our midwife passed her through my legs and into my arms (after I had taken my top and bra off – Esme had arrived so quickly that I was still half dressed!) I was overjoyed when I found out we had a little girl. The moments after her birth are so vivid and I remember the intense joy I felt. I don’t remember Jacob’s birth in the same way and I contribute this to having had gas during his birth.

The first feed:

After all I have said about Jacob’s first feed, there is surprisingly little to say about Esme’s first feed! After sitting, holding her against my chest on the floor I moved to the couch. I remember needing to be careful as she had quite a short cord! As I birthed the placenta, I cradled Esme in my arms at my breast. She just seemed to know what to do and nuzzled at my breast and automatically attached. I was amazed and so thrilled that our breastfeeding had gotten off to such a great start. Jacob came down from upstairs (he had been having a bath) to see Esme having milk which was beautiful.

From that first feed with Esme, she continued to do well with breastfeeding. I never suffered any soreness or cracked nipples (apart from a small cracked nipple that Jacob caused because his attachment was a bit off!). I did have engorgement and an oversupply again this time but I knew what to do to help relieve this and it never ended up as mastitis.

Factors involved in successful breastfeeding the second time round:

I strongly believe that the attitudes our caregivers had in relation to birth and breastfeeding; that it was natural, normal and not to be interfered with; had a lot to do with the success of our breastfeeding relationship. Esme was allowed the time to show instinctual behaviours and to come to the breast when she was ready, rather than being forcefully attached. Our caregivers also trusted that we knew our baby best and so supported our choices. Throughout the pregnancy, I had made it clear my thoughts on breastfeeding. We also had a birth plan meeting a couple of weeks before she was born where I expressed my wishes to use baby led attachment.

Health professionals need to be educated about the best practices in establishing a breastfeeding relationship. I’m not saying that hospitals are bad in supporting women to breastfeed (and it should be noted that the hospital I was in was not a baby-friendly accredited hospital). Just that so many things were done that were not in the best interests of breastfeeding; the ‘forcing’ of the baby onto the breast instead of promoting baby-led attachment, introducing supplementary feeds, using bottles instead of syringes/cups for feeding and the midwives expressing my breasts, without the thought of teaching me how to express. A lot of the basics of breastfeeding were not really explained to me properly, I only had vague understandings of the let-down, supply and demand and so on.

A lot of it also has to do with knowledge and support. By the time I had Esme, I had been involved in ABA for a while and had support in the form of my local group. I was also a lot more educated about breastfeeding. I’d learnt a lot over the years from attending ABA meetings and also from being a trainee counsellor.

I think the bottom line is though, that as a second time mum you have a lot more confidence in yourself. I really doubted my ability to know my baby when Jacob was born and very much listened to what others were saying, even if their advice was not particularly accurate (particularly when it came to breastfeeding!) By the time Esme came along I’d let all that go. As a result, she has absolutely flourished.

After Jacob's birth: he was given skin to skin time but he never attached

After Esme's birth: this photo is blurry but it shows how Esme is initiating the attachment herself, something Jacob never did.

And she's on: with perfect attachment! Just shows what happens when you leave mother and baby undisturbed.

We made it into the papers!

Well, the local papers that is ;) Our meeting with our local MP, Jason Wood and attendance at the homebirth rally made it into our local news.

Here we are in the Ferntree Gully, Belgrave Mail and Ranges Trader Mail (minus photo that is actually in the paper!) I'm not quite sure where the journalist got the bit about having a 'midwife birth in hospital with a raft of guidelines' but she got the general gist of what I was saying!

And again in the Berwick and District Journal (with photo ;) )

It was lovely to see so many articles about the homebirth rally in local papers around the country too, we're really getting the message out there!!

Homebirth rally in Canberra

It seems I've become quite the activist lately! For someone who's not very politically minded this is a break through!! It's all to do with the government's plan to make sure that registered midwives have public indemnity insurance. All good in theory but midwives who attend homebirths can not get public indemnity insurance which effectively means that once the new legislation is passed they will be practising illegally and will face a $30,000 fine or a jail term. Ridiculous, isn't it? It's not only taking away the rights of woman who homebirth and those that support them but it's taking away the rights of all women - we're going back to the dark ages when women had no rights! Because the homebirth community is a minority (approx 700 people a year in Australia homebirth) apparently we don't matter. The thing that really irks me is that a woman can still choose to have a c-section and have a highly interventionist birth that cost the tax-payer thousands of dollars, uses up resources in hospitals and no one even blinks an eye at that. In comparision, a homebirth costs relatively little and has been shown to have the best outcomes for mother and baby (when attended by a registered health professional) It was quite ironic that 3 days before this rally, Nicola Roxon decided to make an announcement that there would be a 'reprieve' on this legislation and it wouldn't come into effect until 2012 now. That decision doesn't really mean a lot and seems like a rather cowardly response. It just means our fight will be much more prolonged!!

Anyway, a huge rally was organised in front of Parliament house in Canberra on the 7th of September which I attended. It was an absolutely awesome day and it was such an inspiration to be surrounded by such strong women. I think there ended up being about 3000 people who attended and we came from all over the country. Izzy and I (and Esme ;) ) flew up to Canberra on Sunday night and stayed with Melanie and her daughter Rebecca at the hotel. We headed off to the rally in the morning to meet with our local MP, Jason Wood (member for Latrobe). It was great to chat to Jason about our concerns and so wonderful to find him supportive of our cause. I felt like he genuinely cared about our cause, he was interested in what we had to say and asked lots of questions. Turns out we were even the focus of his speech in parliament the next day! We're hoping to make it into the local newspapers too as Jason's office was going to do a press release.

The actual rally was awesome. We started off the rally at the Aboriginal tent embassy to receive an official welcome from the original land owners and then walked as a group up to the lawns in front of parliament house where the formal part of the rally began. So many people and so lovely to see so many pregnant bellies (you included, Izzy ;) ) and kids and babies. We had Tracy Bartram as MC who was great, she has also homebirthed and breastfed her son until he was 3.5 years old. We heard from various politicians (some good and some not so good ;) ) and Sarah Buckley. The official part was finished off by some songs about homebirth that people had written. 'Song to Nicola Roxon' was a huge hit lol. If I find a link to the 'official proceedings' I will add that in later. There were media there during the rally but disappointing to see that we didn't get much of a mention on the news. We watched channel 10 at the airport and there was absolutely nothing on there about the rally!!

The rally went for a couple of hours all up. Once it was over we headed off to find some lunch and thaw out in Melanie's car. I can't say the weather was ideal for this sort of thing (it poured with rain on and off throughout the rally) but it didn't put a dampener on the spirit of anyone attending the rally!

We will continue to fight for homebirth on our terms!!!

Photos to come...