Embracing the 'baby' stage

I've always struggled with the 'baby' stage of my children's lives. It can make me feel a little claustrophobic. Suddenly there's this little person who just requires so much of my time. Needing to be fed. Needing to be held. Needing nappy changes. And that's on top of being sleep deprived and exhausted already! I can find it really overwhelming not being able to have any time for myself. And it's scary having the responsibility of caring for this little person!

But that was how I felt in the past...

Something has changed with Gideon's birth. All of a sudden I want to cherish this special time with him. To enjoy this time with him as a baby, instead of wishing it away to when he is older and more independent. I remember with both of the other two wishing they would sleep by themselves so I could just get a moment by myself. This time I don't care. Gideon sleeps in the sling on me during the day and at night time sleeps either on Chris' chest or my chest. I love watching him sleep, seeing that blissed out look on his face and watching his little eyes flicker as he dreams. I love being able to rub my cheek on his and feel his soft skin. I love feeling the warmth of his body against mine and hearing him breathe.

The night time wakings don't seem as hard as they did with the other two. Sure, it would be nice to have more sleep but I don't feel that resentment that I did with the other two. I guess I have perspective this time around which makes things a whole lot easier to accept. I know that the night wakings won't be forever and that it will end eventually. It took Jacob and Esme 2 + years to sleep through the night but really that is only the blink of an eye in the whole scheme of things. I am only just starting to realise this and it makes me a little sad.

I think losing my two babies has had a part in changing my thinking - those two babies must have come to teach me this! Everything else seems so unimportant when I look at my little boy and realise how blessed I am to have been given him. I am so aware of time passing by ( 6 weeks old already!) and I want to enjoy this stage while it lasts. I'm guessing it won't be long before he's moving around and becoming his own little person...