Lorelei's birth story

A few days before Lorelei was born I started feeling a bit unsettled.  I couldn’t put my finger on exactly what was wrong but I was just really emotional and couldn’t sit still.  I had this crazy urge to just clean!  I was cleaning windows and dusting cobwebs from the ceiling in the days before she was born.  I remember I’d planned to wash everyone’s sheets on the day I went into labour and I was really excited about that (crazy!!).  I met with my midwife Jacqui on the Friday before Lorelei was born and we both thought that this ‘unsettledness’ might mean something was going to happen soon.  Lorelei was also engaged and really low in my pelvis too and I was starting to feel really uncomfortable. At this stage I wasn’t even quite 39 weeks but my babies have all chosen completely different times of gestation to be born so it didn’t surprise me at all to get these ‘signs’ at this stage. 

On the Saturday night before she came I had a bit of a cry with Chris, telling him that I wasn’t ready to have this baby.  I was worried about the pain and of not coping.  I was worried about throwing up during labour (which, ironically, I never have for any of the other kids!)  He comforted me and told me that it would all be ok, that I was always amazing giving birth.  I sat and read in bed for a while and then Chris came to bed.  Me, being obsessed with having all things clean, asked him if he’d cleaned the kitchen ( I just had this ‘thing’ where I didn’t want to go into labour with the kitchen a mess – it was a huge mess when we had Gideon because he came so unexpectantly and I didn’t want it to happen again!)   He hadn’t so I made him go and clean it (yeah, I feel kind of bad about that looking back at it now – the things my hubby puts up with from me!) 

At about 2am that night I woke up.  I lay there for a while wondering why I felt so wide awake all of a sudden and then I felt a pain.  It was almost like an intense Braxton Hicks but there was something a little different about it.  I decided to just lie there and see what happened.  About 10 minutes later, I had another of the same pains and 10 minutes later, another.  Something was definitely happening!  For an hour they continued about every 10 minutes and then from 3 onwards they started happening every 5-10 minutes.  Even though Gideon’s birth has been quite quick (three hours) I wasn’t concerned about waking Chris or calling my midwives yet. The pains were frequent but they weren’t intense yet and I could get through them lying down. 

Just after 4, I had a pain that was a bit more intense.  Then I realised that the ‘trickling’ feeling I was getting was possibly my hind waters breaking.  It was a bit of a novel experience having my waters break before I got to the pushing stage – in four births this was the first time it had happened!  Luckily, I had thought to put a waterproof sheet on my side of the bed still.  I decided that it was time to wake up Chris and tell him that things were happening. He was awake pretty quickly and straight into organisational mode – filling birth pool, getting the urn on to boil, moving the car up the top so our midwives could fit in the driveway!  I had a couple more intense pains but they seemed to slow down a bit once we were actually awake.  We took the opportunity to get some last minute naked tummy photos – I wanted to remember the last few moments of my last pregnancy!

About 4:30 we thought we should probably ring our midwife, Jan and tell her what was going on – she wanted to know as soon as I went into labour in case things moved quickly.  We rang her and had to leave a message on her mobile.  After about half an hour with no call back (very unusual for Jan who always answers middle of the night calls very quickly!) we tried her pager.  Still no response!  That’s ok, we’ll try Jacqui instead.  So we did and had to leave a message on her phone too.  And still no phone calls back again!  Chris and I had a little laugh about not being able to contact anyone.  I wasn’t too worried about things moving quickly and besides which, I knew we’d be capable of doing this by ourselves in it came to that!  At about 6, we got a frantic call from Jan.  ‘What’s happening?  I’m on my way right NOW.’  Apparently she’d left her pager in the car and didn’t hear her phone ring. 

On her way Jan sent a text to Chris asking him what was happening.  I told him to text her back and say that it was probably nothing (contractions were not as regular now and I was really questioning whether I should have called everyone!) Her reply: ‘So I should slow down then?’  Chris sent one back saying ‘yes, don’t get pulled over!’.  Jan ended up arriving just after 7.  It was reassuring to have her here and made everything seem a lot more real.  She checked what was going on with me, by that stage contractions had slowed quite a bit with only the occasional intense one.  The kids were starting to wake up now and came into the bedroom to see what was happening.  They were excited to hear that the baby would be coming soon (although I think Esme expected it to come very soon, she’s not the most patient person!)  Jacqui arrived shortly afterwards and then my Mum arrived a bit later to look after the kids (we’d left it to a civilised time to ring her!)  I went downstairs to have some breakfast and to organise breakfast for the kids. 

Once I was upright and moving the contractions started to have a bit more ‘bite’ to them.  I had to stop and concentrate when they came.  I laboured downstairs for awhile while my Mum read a million and one books to the kids.  Jan and Jacqui were discussing whether they would go out to get some breakfast but in the end Jan decided that they would stay ‘just in case’ even though I tried to convince them to go, I still felt like there was ages to go until I had this baby.  Jan suggested that Chris and I go upstairs by ourselves for a bit.  So we did, it was nice just sitting together on the bed and talking with Chris supporting me when the contractions hit.  I remember complaining about being bored during the gap between contractions and feeling like I needed something to do.  The contractions had gone back to not being as regular and intense and I was in this weird headspace where I wanted them to get a lot stronger and painful so I knew that the baby would be born soon but also being a little fearful and apprehensive about what was to come. 

Jan would come in sporadically and see how we were going and do some checks on me.  She watched me go through some contractions and suggested that it was probably pre labour and that I needed to do something to get it started properly.  The first thing she suggested was nipple stimulation.  Apparently Chris wasn’t aware that this could be useful and he thought the idea was quite a novel one.  Before the words were even hallway out of Jan’s mouth I said to her, ‘don’t tell him that’.  Needless to say, I was not in the mood!  Jan’s other suggestion was for me to go for a walk outside.  She felt that I was distracted by the noise of the kids downstairs (who were playing very nicely – but loudly! – with Mum and Jacqui).  Esme had also been in and out of the room.  I think she was feeling a bit anxious about the noises I was making and what was happening.  For all her bravado, she’s actually quite tuned into our moods and emotions and is very sensitive.  She insisted that she wanted to come for a walk with us (not part of Jan’s original idea!) but eventually we convinced all of them to go outside in the cubby with my Mum to give us a bit of peace and quiet. 

Chris and I went downstairs and I started to walk around the kitchen.  By this stage it was around 9 or a bit later.  Contractions ramped up a lot now.  Chris was filling buckets from the urn and taking them to the pool upstairs but he kept having to stop and support me through another contraction.  It got to the point where he couldn’t even get a bucket filled between each contraction.  They were really intense now and I was having to vocalise during each one.  We made the decision to move upstairs to the bedroom and get the bed set up for the birth.  Jan, Jacqui and the student midwife came up too. 

I started on the bed, kneeling , with Chris in front to support me during contraction.  Then I moved to standing by the side of the bed.  That’s when I started getting the urge to push.  We stripped off my pants in preparation.  Standing up just felt wrong though, my legs were shaking and I didn’t feel like I had the strength to keep standing.  Jan asked me where I wanted to be.  She told me that if I was going to get in the pool now was the time.  We had talked previously about using the pool.  With my other two homebirths I had a pool but didn’t end up using it.  Even though, I love the idea of a water birth for some reason it never felt right to me with the other two births.  The thought did cross my mind to get in the pool but for some reason I thought it might slow the labour and I think there was a fair bit of denial on my part that this baby would actually be born sooner rather than later.  I said to Jan ‘you know I can’t make decisions when I’m in labour’ – she has been with through enough births to know how I ‘do’ them!!   In her usual style, she said to me that she thought that I would birth this baby in the same position that I had birthed my other three babies, that once I was in that position my body would know what to do.  That was when I abandoned any attempts to get in the water and I got up on the bed, kneeling, with Chris (as always) in front to support me. 

As soon as I was in that position, as Jan predicted, my body just took over.  I had a couple of really strong urges to push and as I did, I felt the baby move down.  The kids had come in a little earlier and now Gideon and Esme were standing to the side with Jacqui and Jacob was standing by the door (he was adamant that he didn’t want to come too close)  to watch the baby being born.  The pushing seemed to take forever to me but in actual fact she was out pretty quickly.  During one of the contractions, I remember this overwhelming feeling of not being able to do it.  I actually cried and said to Chris, ‘I can’t do this’.  I physically felt like I couldn’t push the baby out.  I don’t remember saying that during any of the other kids’ births!!  It just all felt so intense.  But Chris was great as usual, reassuring me that I could do it. 

Not long after, her head was out and her body followed pretty quickly.  The feeling of that little body sliding out and that sense of relief of getting her out was so incredibly amazing.  Jan told me to reach down and pick the baby up.  The feel of her little, warm body was so powerful.  I discovered as soon as I picked her up that she was a girl.  I had felt that this baby was a girl during my pregnancy and I had secretly hoped she would be, but to have her here with us was incredible.  I feel so blessed by the arrival of our little girl and to have shared this journey with such an amazing support team, my beautiful midwives, my husband and my mum.  Lorelei’s birth would not have been the same without them!  

My midwives play with the kids while I labour upstairs with Chris!

Chris, supporting me through contractions.

Getting through another tough contraction!

A bit of a break between contractions, they were getting more intense by this stage!

Esme and Gideon stand with Jacqui as they wait for the baby being born.

Jacqui hard at work!

Baby Lorelei is born!  Because of my position while birthing, Chris and I were the first to see her (my midwife Jan was standing behind me)

Picking up my baby for the first time!

A precious baby girl.

Family of six!

All together with our support team - both my midwives and my Mum.

First breastfeed!

Skin to skin time with Daddy.

Daddy with all the kids!

Pregnant with Lorelei

Now she is here!

Week 42 of Craft Project a week: Baby's Day Out

I've been incredibly slack in getting my craft projects done these past few weeks (lots of stuff happening here at the moment!!) I promise I will get my craft projects from the past couple of weeks done and up here soon but I wanted to share what I did this weekend before the moment has passed...

Tomorrow our ABA group is celebrating  Baby's Day Out.  This event is nation-wide and is an initiative of the ABA.  It aims to celebrate the place of babies in our community and their right to breastfeed whenever and wherever they wish.  Our local place centre, Eco Playscape, very generously offered to allow our members free entry to the centre for our meeting.  So tomorrrow at 10am we will be meeting up there to celebrate our Baby's Day Out event which I've very much looking forward to!

I've been busy making some things for the event as gifts for the babies and children attending.  I got some bibs from Kmart and simply used an iron on transfer of our official Baby's Day Out logo - they turned out pretty well I think!

Customised bibs for the babies coming!

I also didn't want the older children to miss out so I put together a little organza bag with a couple of balloons with the ABA logo (our group project also which I am in charge of!) and a bottle of bubbles that I printed an ABA sticker for.  Hopefully they will enjoy it! 

Little goody bags for the older kids!

 I'm really hoping that we will have a few new faces there tomorrow!  Our group tends to go up and down with memberships and we could really do with a few more people coming to meetings to energise us breastfeeding counsellors and group leaders a little more! 

Week 33 of Craft Project a week: Wheat bags Part 2

This week's project involved making some wheat bags to fit inside the covers I made last week.  They were very simple to make.  All it involved was folding over a piece of calico to form a bag and overlocking each side.  I then filled each bag with wheat and a little bit of lavender (got to have a nice smelling wheat bag!) 

Voila!  Instant wheat bag.  They all fitted together perfectly.

I suspect that all four bags will not end up being donated to the Breastfeeding Centre though as Esme has already claimed one!  I can't wait to donate the wheat bags though and find out how they worked.  So simple to make that it wouldn't take me long to knock over a few more...

Week 32 of Craft Project a week: Wheat bags Part 1

 Before I begin this post I will need to give you a bit of background.  Many of you are aware that I am a volunteer breastfeeding counsellor with the Australian Breastfeeding Association.  My role is quite varied.  At the moment I do counselling on our National Helpline, and am co-group leader of our local group as well as undertake a number of jobs within our group.  I love being able to provide support to fellow breastfeeding mums as well as provide education within the community of the importance of breastfeeding.  Anyway, I digress!

The Victorian Branch of the Australian Breastfeeding Association has their head office in Dandenong and as part of their services offer a 'drop in' centre where mums who are experiencing breastfeeding problems can drop in and get some guidance from one of our counsellors.  It's been operating for a few years now and they've had great success in helping and giving support to new mums.  I suspect that's largely due to the wonderful and very experienced counsellor who manages the centre!

Recently it was mentioned that it would be lovely if mums who were experiencing common problems such as engorgement and mastitis could actually take home a wheat bag.  They have access to wheat bags at the centre but could not take them home.  The suggestion was that perhaps some people involved in the ABA could make them and donate them to the centre.  So I set out on a mission to make some wheat bags that I could donate (even if it was only on a small scale!)

I actually got a wheat bag for my birthday so I simply copied the design which was relatively straightforward.  I used some old scraps of material to make the cover (basically just like a pillow case!) and ended up making four covers in about an hour maximum.  Of course, it helps a lot to have an overlocker ;)

Next week I will make the actual wheat bags to go in the covers - easy! 

As nature intended

We were at the Melbourne Zoo today with the kids and were lucky enough to see a baby elephant having a breastfeed from it's Mother. It was so beautiful to watch the Mother and baby elephant gently touch trunks as the baby breastfed. It reminded me just how lucky I have been to have experienced such a beautiful bonding experience with all three of my kids by breastfeeding them. And it's clear that this is how nature intended things to be - breastfeeding is nature's way of guaranteeing we fall in love with our children!

Jacob's weaning story

It appears that Jacob has weaned after 4 years and 8 months of breastfeeding. I'm still not exactly sure when his last feed was as the whole process has been a slow and gradual transition. I'm feeling a little bittersweet about it all. On one hand, I'm happy and proud that we shared this breastfeeding journey for so long and am so grateful that I've been able to give him this gift. It's undoubtedly provided us with an incredible bond and health benefits for both of us. On the other hand, I'm feeling a little sad that this stage of Jacob's life is over and he is growing up so quickly.

Breastfeeding didn't come easily to us. I always knew that I wanted to breastfeed but had no idea how hard it would be. When Jacob was born we had skin-to-skin time but he wasn't interested in attaching. It didn't help that the midwife who was with us tried to 'force' Jacob onto the breast. It was a horrible experience for both of, it made me feel inadequate that I couldn't breastfeed my son and Jacob upset and crying. Jacob was fed by syringe for the first couple of days with the midwives expressing colostrum from me to feed him. Then on about the third day a midwife suggested using a bottle which he took to quickly (in hindsight we were lucky that this didn't lead to nipple confusion - but we didn't know any better at the time) I was so excited when my milk started to come in and I was able to use the electric pump.

On about day 5, Jacob was taken away from us to the special care nursery. They wanted to keep an eye on him because they thought he might be having seizures (I didn't!). He also had an eye infection. This was a horrible time for us. I was already feeling hormonal and emotional from the birth and to have my son taken away from me made it even worse. Jacob was given lots and lots of tests by an overzealous paediatrician. There were blood tests, head ultrasounds and so on. By far the worst though was a lumbar puncture. We were told it was best for us not to be there while they did it. We could hear Jacob screaming from our room as the needle went in. All Chris and I could do was sit there and cry as we heard our baby screaming.

Jacob was given ABM because I didn't have enough milk for him. I wish I'd known at the time that I could have refused permission for them to do this. I hated the thought of him getting ABM rather than my breastmilk. After advising staff in the nursery that I wished to try feeding Jacob from the breast, I went in one night and found that they had already given him a bottle of ABM (not even the EBM which I had in the fridge!) I was upset, angry and so sad that once again I had failed my duty as a mother.

On my last night in hospital, a lovely midwife and lactation consultant helped me to get Jacob attached using a nipple shield. This was such a moment of joy. It felt good to be able to feed my baby the way nature intended (even if it meant having a piece of plastic in between!) It also meant I didn't have to worry about heating and cleaning bottles - yay! We hired a breast pump from the chemist (wish I'd known about ABA then!) for me to use to keep up my milk supply as we'd been told that nipple shields could affect my supply. Unfortunately, this contributed a lot to my engorgement issues as it turned out I already had a good supply. I was pumping a whole feed out, probably about 3 times a day in addition to what Jacob was taking!

I was very fortunate that the hospital where I had stayed had a lactation clinic. I attended the clinic a few times in our journey to breastfeed without nipple shields. The first lactation consultant I saw was good but she implied that I needed to get Jacob off the nipple shields as soon as possible (or maybe that's just the message I took away because I was so desperate to be free of them!) Trying to get Jacob off the nipple shields lead to lots of anger, tears and pain on my part which I'm sure Chris will attest to. I ended up with badly cracked nipples and feeds were just so painful that I dreaded them. This wasn't how breastfeeding was meant to be.

Luckily, the second lactation consultant I saw was wonderful. She encouraged me to relax about getting Jacob off the nipple shields, that there was no rush. It turned out that I had a bout of mastitis the day that I went to see her. I'd thought that it might have been mastitis but wasn't sure because I didn't know exactly what it was. She was wonderful in helping me to massage the lump out and encouraging me to rest. After all her help I didn't even need to take antibiotics which I was glad about.

I think it was about 3 weeks that we finally stopped using the nipple shields. I still felt awkward about feeding Jacob in public though and would avoid it whenever possible. It was really difficult to get him attached. He would fuss and pull away and I'd end up with milk everywhere. I'd watch other Mum's with babies the same age breastfeeding and they seemed to do it with such ease. We ended up taking Jacob to see a paediatric chiropractor and it turned out that he did have a few issues that were most likely to do with his birth (he'd come out quite quickly in the end). Jacob seemed a little better after our chiropractor visits but breastfeeding was never completely pain free.

When Jacob was about 6 months old, I developed another badly cracked nipple. It didn't seem to want to heal no matter what I did and was still there after weeks and weeks. I remember one night, Jacob slept a bit longer than usual and I was starting to get blocked ducts so I got up to express. All I could express into the bottle was drops of blood. It was so painful. By this stage, I'd discovered my local ABA group which was a god-send. I called my group leader to talk to her about what was going on. While she couldn't really offer any advice, she listened and that made a huge difference. I ended up going to the doctor to make sure the crack in my nipple was some other sort of infection. Turns out it wasn't (or I assume it wasn't seeing the doctor didn't even want to take a swab - he brushed me off pretty quickly!) and not long after it did end up healing.

At about 7 months breastfeeding just seemed to fall in place. All of a sudden it wasn't painful. This was what I had always imagined breastfeeding to be like! I'm not quite sure what was going on in those early days. Although, when I was pregnant with Esme and on a visit to my midwife she happened to see in Jacob's month and said to me 'he's got a tongue tie - did you have trouble breastfeeding?' Suddenly everything made sense. You can still notice it a bit when you look in his mouth now, at 4.5 years old, but it doesn't affect him in any way. Obviously, at 7 months old his mouth had grown enough for it not to be a problem which is why breastfeeding was no longer painful.

Although the breastfeeding was now going well, I wasn't coping with being a Mum. I felt lonely and isolated. I loved my son but would feel intense anger with him at times when I couldn't get him to sleep or he was crying. I was also frequently in tears. Jacob was quite a high needs baby. He didn't sleep much and just wanted to be held by us all the time. We got to the point of him waking every 45 minutes at night and I just couldn't do it anymore so off we went to sleep school. Sleep school was pretty horrendous and I wouldn't ever do it again but I do credit it for being a turning point in my life. I spoke to a psychologist who suggested that I might have post natal depression. I started on medication not long after. This, and finally having some coping strategies helped me turn things around.

I honestly believe that it was breastfeeding that helped me to bond with my son in those first few months and I think my post natal depression would have gotten a lot worse, a lot quicker, had I not been breastfeeding. When I felt those surges of anger at Jacob when he wasn't sleeping all I would need to do was sit down and breastfeed him and those feelings would disappear as my let down happened and my body was flooded with oxytocin. I was very set into routines with Jacob as this helped me to cope and I found that feeding him frequently, ast certain times in my routine helped a lot (how much that has changed now lol!)

We went through a week or so of breast refusal when Jacob was about 11 months old. He would still have his morning feed but refused all other feeds. Luckily, with the advice from my ABA group leader (again!) and by staying calm and relaxed about it all it didn't take long for Jacob to start feeding again.

As Jacob got older and started to feed a bit less our breastfeeds became our special time together. We would have a feed in bed in the morning, then usually after his day sleep and at bedtime to feed him off to sleep (ahhh, so easy!) I got pregnant with Esme when Jacob was about 18 months and he quickly dropped his middle of the day feed as my supply dropped. Although my nipples were quite sore during the pregnancy we managed to keep up these two feeds throughout. Well, mostly. Jacob went through some times of fussiness during the pregnancy which I assumed were because of the changing taste of the milk and we ended up only feeding on one side but we kept going nonetheless!

We then went on to tandem feed when Esme was born. I loved that I could still have that special time with my son even when things were so busy looking after a newborn. Jacob ended up dropping his morning feed not long after Esme was born (mainly because I wasn't really 'available' to him in the mornings!) but we kept up the bed time feeds. It was lovely still being able to feed my little boy off to sleep even though he was a little bit older.
He did ask for a few more feeds after Esme was born and sometimes I would let him but was happy to just keep him to a few. We had a few simultaneous feeds and it was lovely to see both the kids feeding at the same time although I didn't always feel that comfortable feeding them together.

I really thought Jacob would continue feeding for ages, he gave no sign that he was ready to drop that bed time feed. And I was happy to keep giving it to him. Around the time that I got pregnant we started to give him the choice of milk in a cup or milk from me (there's a few reasons for this which I won't go into here). Sometimes he would choose milk from a cup but for the most part he still wanted a feed from me. I had started to get really sore nipples from the pregnancy (worse than last time!) and Jacob's attachment started to feel 'wrong' as well so it was almost a relief when he would choose milk from a cup. There was no pressure for him to stop feeding though.

As my pregnancy progressed though, and my milk supply started dropping, Jacob started wanting milk in a cup most nights. He would say he wanted milk from me but then change his mind and say there was 'no milk'. He would go a few nights and then have a feed and then a bit longer until I realised that it had been a couple of weeks since he'd had a feed. So, although it has been a little sad for me, it has been a gradual transition and part of the rhythm of life I feel.

I am so grateful that we were able to share our breastfeeding journey for so long together.

I may have made a mistake in telling Jacob that there will be lots of milk when the baby comes however. He has already told me that he is going to have milk again then. We'll just have to wait and see what happens ;)

Here's some photos from our breastfeeding journey. I really wish we had more photos from when Jacob was younger but sadly we don't.

First breastfeeding photo - Jacob was about 4 months here.

The best thing about breastfeeding - it's portable! Jacob feeding on a picnic at 6 months old.

Jacob wearing his Mummy milk t-shirt
.

A sleepy feed at about 17 months

Breastfeeding at 40 weeks pregnant. Jacob is 2 years, 3 months. Apologies for the darkness of the photo!

First tandem feed with my two children.!

Tandem feeding my two children in the Fitzroy Gardens. Jacob is 2 years, 9 months and Esme is 6 months.

Another tandem feeding photo! Jacob is 3 years, 3 months and Esme is 12 months. This was such a gorgeous moment. I hadn't fed them together for quite awhile and Esme thought it was hilarious seeing Jacob feed. She kept trying to poke him in the mouth! Jacob continued on regardless...

Our last breastfeeding photo together. Jacob is 3 years, 3 months. I really wish I'd taken another one before he weaned though

World Breastfeeding Week!

World Breastfeeding Week this year is the 1st-7th of August. In honour of the event, I am sharing some of my favourite breastfeeding pictures. I just wish we'd taken more of Jacob breastfeeding when he was younger, there seems to be a lot of Esme!

Jacob wearing his t-shirt: 'I love my mummy's milk. Not just milk from any old cow'


Esme's first breastfeed

Professional pic of feeding Esme at 6 months

Tandem feeding Jacob, 2 years 9 months and Esme, 6 months

Breastfeeding in the snow

Another tandem feeding shot, Jacob 3 years 3 months and Esme, 12 months


Breastfeeding at the beach

At the Boardwalk at the Nobbies, Phillip Island

Smiley girl!

Breastfeeding 'dolly'

I mentioned the other day about Esme breastfeeding her dolly but not being quick enough to get the camera in time. Well, I finally captured a photo of her the other day! Isn't she cute? ;)

I love that Esme is growing up seeing that breastfeeding is the natural and normal way to feed a baby. I don't think she would even have any idea how to feed dolly with a bottle as she hasn't really been exposed much to bottle feeding. We don't own any toy bottles ourselves and most of our friends breastfeed as well.

It's funny, whenever I go to an ABA event where there are children, I see a lot of these children incorporating breastfeeding into their play, rather than bottle feeding. It really goes to show that children learn these sorts of things from a very young age and it's important to have positive breastfeeding role models around them from very young so that they grow up knowing that breastfeeding is a natural part of life.

Children who grow up surrounded by positive breastfeeding role models are more likely to be successful at breastfeeding/supportive of breastfeeding. I love that I am teaching my daughter this very important lesson.

The girl who never stops

Our little girl is always on the move. Seriously. If I weren't breastfeeding her, I don't think she would ever wind down and sleep! Yesterday she spent the day partying for Jacob's birthday and missed her sleep during the day. She was sitting at the computer with Daddy in the evening and he suddenly noticed that there were no annonying fingers trying to push buttons. She'd fallen asleep in his arms! She must have been pretty tired because she NEVER falls asleep in our arms! Chris laid her down on the couch and this is how she stayed:




Our little sleeping angel! We almost managed to put her in her pyjamas too without waking her up! Luckily she only woke a little and a quick breastfeed put her back to sleep. She was in bed by 6pm, that's got to be a record for her!!

Our ABA group in the local paper!

So I thought you'd all like to see our article in the local paper, promoting our local ABA group and one of our upcoming meetings about slings.

You can view it here

The great thing about the article is that we actually had a new person with a 12 week old come along after reading the article! It's always lovely to see new faces (our group has been plodding along recently) and she'd seemed keen to come back too after our very successful slings meeting (I think we even convinced her to buy a hug a bub too after trying one our member's ones on ;))

Breastfeeding the second time around

Breastfeeding the second time around has certainly been a much easier experience. I think a lot of it has to do with how my two children were born and how breastfeeding was approached in the early days by my caregivers. This is the story of Jacob's birth, the difficulties we had in establishing our breastfeeding relationship and what happened when Esme was born. I hope you enjoy it!

Jacob’s birth:

Two days before Jacob was due, I woke up just after midnight with a contraction. At first, I wasn’t sure if it was really labour or not. I’d heard so many stories about first babies being overdue that I just assumed that it couldn’t be labour so soon! But, I got another contraction about 20 minutes later and after about 2 hours of these, I decided to wake up Chris. We stayed at home for a few hours but by then contractions were coming every 5 minutes so we decided to head into hospital (little did I know that there was still a long way to go!) Early on in the pregnancy we’d decided that were going to have our baby at a private hospital.

We arrived at the hospital about 5am and I laboured there until Jacob was born at 1.30 that afternoon. The birth was fairly uneventful. I spent most of it in the bath but got out to birth Jacob. The birth was fairly natural, I guess as natural as could be in a hospital setting. I had gas during the labour but no other pain relief. When Jacob was born he was put on my chest and we were given quite a bit of skin to skin time.

The first feed:

After we’d had some skin to skin time, the midwife suggested that I should try to feed Jacob. I felt quite clueless about how to position and how to go about attaching him and I remember feeling grateful that the midwife was helping me so much! This was the same midwife we’d had for the birth and she was quite gentle and relaxed about everything. Jacob really wasn’t interested in feeding and wouldn’t open his mouth wide enough to attach. We tried a few times but ended up just putting him back on my chest. Soon after, the shifts changed and we had another midwife come in to look after us. She was quite forceful about trying to get Jacob attached. It was almost like she was trying to mash his face into my breast. I remember lying there and thinking this doesn’t feel right, surely it shouldn’t be like this. I was feeling upset and worried because Jacob wouldn’t attach and the midwife kept going on about ‘how important’ it was to get him attached in the first hour after birth! I was worried that this would mean I wouldn’t be able to breastfeed him. I had known all through the pregnancy that I wanted to breastfeed and felt upset that maybe I wouldn’t be able to. I didn’t even realise that at this stage I would still be able to express for him! I don’t remember what happened in the end. I know Jacob didn’t feed, but I can’t remember if it was then or later the midwives expressed colostrum from me to feed to him.

The first week in hospital:

We continued to have attachment problems during those first few days. Jacob was quite a sleepy baby so we had to wake him for feeds. At each feed, I would try to attach him but we’d have little success. The midwife would then have to express colostrum from my breasts and feed it to him by syringe. I was never even shown how to express the colostrum myself, although I guess at the time I wasn’t concerned, just grateful that people were helping me when I felt so clueless! It did feel a bit uncomfortable but I didn’t know any better and I certainly didn’t know that I could do it myself!

On the third day of our stay in the hospital, Jacob was admitted to Special care nursery (previously he had been rooming in with us). He had an eye infection and there were concerns that he may be having seizures because of his ‘jerkiness’. I strongly felt that this was normal as I’d often felt him move like that when I was pregnant with him but no one listened to me. I remember when the midwife came in to our room to take him. She told me that he ‘had to’ go to the nursery and I just burst into tears, feeling like my baby was being taken away from me and I had no control. I was already pretty emotional because of the after birth hormones and feeling like a failure because I couldn’t breastfeed him.

That was the start of a whole cascade of events. Jacob was put in an isolette in the nursery under observation and connected to a heart monitor so that we weren’t able to hold him, only put our arms through the tiny holes. We were assigned a paediatrician who, while lovely, was very ‘overzealous’. Jacob was subjected to a barrage of tests to check out what was happening with the suspected seizures. I remember sitting next to him in the nursery when the paed was talking to us and just dissolving into tears. The first night that he was in the nursery he had to have a lumbar puncture. We were told it was better that we weren’t with him when it was done so we sat in our room. We could hear his screaming from the nursery. All Chris and I could do was hold each other while it was happening. For ages afterwards, Jacob was really sensitive on his back and I contribute this to the lumbar puncture.

The paediatrician also advised us that Jacob would need top up feeds of ABM. This was quite shattering for me. If I’d know then what I know now I would not have allowed this to happen. I didn’t have a huge supply of milk but I had enough. By this stage, I was able to use the electric pump to express as my milk was starting to come in and I was able to express a fair bit. Although it never fully ‘came in’ until day 6. I didn’t realise that I could have a say in this sort of stuff, that as long as Jacob was showing all the signs of a good supply I didn’t need to supplement his feeds. To us, the paediatrician was ‘god’. He knew everything and we knew nothing as first time parents.

Around this time also, one of the midwives suggested we try Jacob on the bottle. I didn’t know about ‘nipple confusion’ at this stage so I readily agreed. Surely, it would be an easier way to feed than with a cup or syringe?! Jacob took to the bottle easily. I am however grateful that he didn’t get ‘nipple confusion’. Although there’s no way to really say that his continuing attachment problems weren’t, in part, due to this.

We continued the next few days with trying to attach Jacob at each feed, supplementing expressed milk with ABM and using the bottle. I would go to the nursery to feed him or they would tell me when they thought he needed a feed. He was probably feeding every 3-4 hours at this stage. There was an incident that happened one night that I got particularly upset about. I got up and went to the nursery to feed Jacob. When I got there, I was informed that Jacob had already had a bottle of ABM! I was absolutely furious!! Not only had they fed him when I had made my wishes clear that I wanted to try attaching him at each feed BUT they hadn’t even checked if there was EBM to use in the fridge (which there was!) I felt so violated by this incident and felt as if the staff weren’t respecting my wishes.

On the last night of our hospital stay, a lovely LC there suggested we try a nipple shield. We both agreed that even though a nipple shield wasn’t ideal, it meant that Jacob could attach ‘straight to the source’ so to speak and I didn’t have to pump and feed! I can’t describe just how happy I was the moment he attached to the breast with the nipple shield. I think the LC was just as excited as me too!!

Going home:

The next morning we left hospital. It was day 6 and my milk was just coming in. I suffered terribly from engorgement and oversupply despite using a nipple shield. I guess it didn’t really help that, in hospital, some the midwives had told me that I would probably need to express while I was using the nipple shield as it could affect supply (Talking to people recently about nipple shields, I haven’t met anyone who’s had trouble with supply because of using a nipple shield and can only say that perhaps this was the case in the past when the nipples shields were made of quite thick plastic). Anyway, we’d hired an electric pump when we thought I’d have to express full time so Iafter most feeds I was expressing with this which didn’t help the oversupply issue! No one had explained to me about supply and demand at this stage! I ended up with mastitis. I only realised it was mastitis as I remembered reading a handout the health nurse had given that had mentioned something about high temperatures and flu-like symptoms. I felt terrible but didn’t do anything about it. We were seeing the health nurse that day so I chatted to her about it. She gave me some advice on what to do. Two days later I had an appt to see the LC at the hospital. She agreed it was mastitis and was amazed that I had put up with it for so long. At the appointment she was able to help me clear the blockage. I did see the GP the following day but by that stage I was getting better.

Over the next month or so, we began to wean Jacob off the nipple shield. I was very lucky that the hospital where I’d had him offered free sessions with a lactation consultant. Unfortunately, this is no longer the case and I feel so sad that other people having trouble breastfeeding will no longer have this help. With the help of the LC’s, I was able to devise a plan of how I was going to wean Jacob from the nipple shield, ask questions about concerns I had and just generally feel supported in my quest to breastfeed! I become rather impatient to breastfeed without the nipple shield though. I, rather stupidly, felt that using a nipple shield to feed wasn’t really breastfeeding ‘properly’. I suffered from badly cracked nipples in those days which were so painful. Jacob would often be vomiting blood from all the blood he had ingested while feeding. I ended up dreading feeds and the pain that came with them. Yet, I would sit there trying to get him to open his mouth wide, and trying time and time again to get him on properly. I would be in tears from the pain and sense of failure but I was also getting really angry at Jacob, wondering what was wrong with him because he couldn’t attach! In hindsight, I wish that I hadn’t rushed Jacob to breastfeed without the nipple shield. I wish someone had said to me, ‘you know, it doesn’t matter that he’s feeding with a nipple shield’.

After about a month we were able to let the nipple shield go for good. Breastfeeding still didn’t feel quite right. But it wasn’t casing damage to my nipples so I just assumed that was how it was meant to be. About this time I joined up to the ABA and started going to my local group shortly after. I also joined the online forum. I found a lot of support from both of these.

5 months down the track:

Breastfeeding continued to feel not quite right and when Jacob was about 5 months old, I again suffered problems. I ended up with quite a badly cracked nipple again and then got a blocked duct on top of that! It was a horrible time. I remember one night Jacob went longer without a feed overnight and my breasts were so full and sore, especially with the blocked duct, I had to get up to express. I couldn’t get the milk to flow and all I ended up with in the pump was a drop of blood from my cracked nipple. Luckily, by this stage I knew where to go for help. I rang the helpline and also a counsellor from my local group as well. Even if they couldn’t really help me, they were able to support me and reassure me that things would work out. This is what got me through this difficult time.

The crack in my nipple lasted a long time; I even ended up going to the GP to find out if it was an infection. It wasn’t, it was just a very deep crack that took a long time to heal. The crack had healed by the time Jacob was about 7 months old and all of a sudden breastfeeding just seemed to click! I didn’t feel pain any longer and I was actually enjoying feeding Jacob. It was incredible! I don’t know what it was although I have always questioned whether Jacob had an undiagnosed tongue tie. Actually, when I was seeing my midwife when pregnant with Esme, she happened to see inside his mouth and said to me, ‘he’s got a tongue tie! Did you have trouble breastfeeding him?’ I can’t tell you the sense of relief I felt when she said that. It was like someone, finally, had been able to answer why our breastfeeding relationship was just so darn hard. I’m very pleased to say though, that despite these difficulties establishing a breastfeeding relationship, Jacob is still feeding at almost 3 ½!

Esme’s homebirth:

After the experiences we had with Jacob’s birth and the difficulties we had in establishing our breastfeeding relationship in hospital, we decided that our next child would be born at home. We wanted care providers who we would get to know intimately during the pregnancy and who shared similar thoughts on birth and breastfeeding.

I went into labour with Esme at about 9am in the morning. Contractions actually started while I was breastfeeding Jacob. The labour started slowly and gradually with contractions every 10-20 minutes that were quite gentle. Chris came home from work at about 11.30 and we spent most of the day together as a family. My mum turned up about 4pm to look after Jacob who was going to be present at the birth. At about 5pm contractions suddenly picked up and started coming one on top of each other. I was quite surprised by the sudden intensity of them! We rang our doula and our midwife who were on their way immediately. Our doula arrived first and while she was here I felt the urge to push. Luckily though, Esme waited for our midwife – just! About 20 minutes after she arrived, Esme made her way into the world. Although we’d planned on a waterbirth, Esme had other ideas and arrived while I was kneeling on the ground, holding onto Chris. Our midwife passed her through my legs and into my arms (after I had taken my top and bra off – Esme had arrived so quickly that I was still half dressed!) I was overjoyed when I found out we had a little girl. The moments after her birth are so vivid and I remember the intense joy I felt. I don’t remember Jacob’s birth in the same way and I contribute this to having had gas during his birth.

The first feed:

After all I have said about Jacob’s first feed, there is surprisingly little to say about Esme’s first feed! After sitting, holding her against my chest on the floor I moved to the couch. I remember needing to be careful as she had quite a short cord! As I birthed the placenta, I cradled Esme in my arms at my breast. She just seemed to know what to do and nuzzled at my breast and automatically attached. I was amazed and so thrilled that our breastfeeding had gotten off to such a great start. Jacob came down from upstairs (he had been having a bath) to see Esme having milk which was beautiful.

From that first feed with Esme, she continued to do well with breastfeeding. I never suffered any soreness or cracked nipples (apart from a small cracked nipple that Jacob caused because his attachment was a bit off!). I did have engorgement and an oversupply again this time but I knew what to do to help relieve this and it never ended up as mastitis.

Factors involved in successful breastfeeding the second time round:

I strongly believe that the attitudes our caregivers had in relation to birth and breastfeeding; that it was natural, normal and not to be interfered with; had a lot to do with the success of our breastfeeding relationship. Esme was allowed the time to show instinctual behaviours and to come to the breast when she was ready, rather than being forcefully attached. Our caregivers also trusted that we knew our baby best and so supported our choices. Throughout the pregnancy, I had made it clear my thoughts on breastfeeding. We also had a birth plan meeting a couple of weeks before she was born where I expressed my wishes to use baby led attachment.

Health professionals need to be educated about the best practices in establishing a breastfeeding relationship. I’m not saying that hospitals are bad in supporting women to breastfeed (and it should be noted that the hospital I was in was not a baby-friendly accredited hospital). Just that so many things were done that were not in the best interests of breastfeeding; the ‘forcing’ of the baby onto the breast instead of promoting baby-led attachment, introducing supplementary feeds, using bottles instead of syringes/cups for feeding and the midwives expressing my breasts, without the thought of teaching me how to express. A lot of the basics of breastfeeding were not really explained to me properly, I only had vague understandings of the let-down, supply and demand and so on.

A lot of it also has to do with knowledge and support. By the time I had Esme, I had been involved in ABA for a while and had support in the form of my local group. I was also a lot more educated about breastfeeding. I’d learnt a lot over the years from attending ABA meetings and also from being a trainee counsellor.

I think the bottom line is though, that as a second time mum you have a lot more confidence in yourself. I really doubted my ability to know my baby when Jacob was born and very much listened to what others were saying, even if their advice was not particularly accurate (particularly when it came to breastfeeding!) By the time Esme came along I’d let all that go. As a result, she has absolutely flourished.

After Jacob's birth: he was given skin to skin time but he never attached

After Esme's birth: this photo is blurry but it shows how Esme is initiating the attachment herself, something Jacob never did.

And she's on: with perfect attachment! Just shows what happens when you leave mother and baby undisturbed.