2013 - the year that was!

I'm rather a little late writing my summary of last year (although I'm sure if you look back at the blog you will notice a similar trend in previous years!)  2013 was a very busy year for us.  I knew it would be but I didn't expect it to be quite as bad as it was.  I feel like I never had a moment free!  It has been an amazing year though.  We have had some unexpected surprises along the way that have us excited about the future. 

Jacob started Class 1 this year.  He started at a different campus this year and we were all a little worried about how he'd settle in.  But it's all happened so smoothly.  He has the most amazing teacher.  She is gentle, kind and compassionate.  She understands the kids she teaches so well and knows exactly what they need.  She has made the transition to the new campus so easy for Jacob.  We feel truly blessed that she will be Jacob's teacher for the next 5 years.  When you see Jacob alongside his peers these days you would never guess that he has Autism.  He made some incredible changes in 2013 (again, largely due to his teacher).  You may see a boy who is a bit reluctant to join in new activities or who doesn't always join in on group games in the playground but really that is not so different from some other kids.  He has his special friends in his class and is happy to play with them.  We still get the meltdowns at home but I think that's just the way things go with Jacob.  Hopefully, as he gets older we will be able to teach him appropriate ways to deal with these. 

Esme had her last year of Kinder this year.  For the first time in 4 years we will not have a child at Kinder in 2014 which feels a little strange!  She has loved Kinder this year.  She is the real little social butterfly.  She loves to play with all the other kids at Kinder and has made some beautiful friends, all of whom will continue on to school with her next year which is great!  She loves to play with all the boys too, getting involved in all their rough and tumble games and getting as dirty as possible.  She's very much looking forward to going to school. 

Gideon has grown and changed so much in the past year.  He is a real little boy now.  He loves to chase after the two big kids and terrorise them (he's getting his own back now for the many times they annoyed him!)  I've enjoyed having some one on one time with him this year when Esme has been at Kinder and Jacob has been at school.  He seems to be growing up far more quickly than the other two did which makes me a little sad.

I continued working one day a week in 2013 and have enjoyed my little bit of time away from the kids.  I will continue working one day a week next year as well, with a class that is mostly the same (which is a good thing as I've really enjoyed teaching the class I currently have). One day or work a week is perfect for me at the moment and I have no intention of increasing my hours anytime soon.  I am no longer the group leader of my local ABA group.  It's given me a bit of extra time and space and I have been able to manage going back on helpline once a month.  I enjoyed completing some craft projects although did not have as much time as I would have liked to this year (perhaps in 2014?!)

The most exciting thing that happened in 2013 was to do with Chris' chocolate business - FunKey Chocolates.   He started off the year making chocolates on a small scale - mainly for family and friends.  We thought it would all be too hard to get our kitchen approved by the Council to use for chocolate production.  He looked into hiring out commercial kitchens but that proved too expensive and too hard to do.  Towards the end of the year though we decided to just get someone out and see what we would need to do to our kitchen to get it up to 'standards'.  Imagine our surprise when the health inspector told us that our kitchen had passed and that Chris was able to trade!  He has since done two markets (one our school market day and one a big market in Upwey) and done quite well.  Easter this year looks like it's going to be a busy time in our household.  While it's been a lot of hard work especially given that Chris still has a full-time job and is making chocolates in the evenings/weekends, I'm glad that he has found something he loves to do.  We're both very excited about the future of the business. 

Happy New Year!  I hope that 2014 brings everyone great happiness!  

The beginning of independence

Up until now, Gideon has been our little baby.  He's been content to be close to us and just go with the flow.  Just recently though we're beginning to see him start to move away from us and become his own little 'self'.  This generally comes in the forms of big tantrums where he will just throw himself around and not want to be picked up.  Try to offer a solution to the problem and the tantrum will get even worse.  This beginning of indpendence has also meant that he is no longer content to carried all the time and he will often fight to get out of the sling if he's in there. In many ways it's all a bit frustrating.  Especially when you have places to go and people to see.  And so often I feel like I am being judged for having a 'naughty' child!

Despite the feelings of frustration though, I am enjoying watching my baby gain his independence.  I choose to see these tantrums as a positive thing, that he is comfortable and secure enough in our love to feel free to assert himself.  Gideon has been held and carried close since he was born.  He slept on our chest for the first 12 months of his life (and even now he continues to sleep mostly on top of us at night!) I'm sure there were many people out there who thought he'd be attached to us forever (that old familiar 'rod for your own back' thing).  We knew he wouldn't and that it would be only for a very short time in the whole scheme of things that he would be 'attached' to us.  And so it seems that we were right.  I smile every time I see Gideon throw a tantrum or he insists that he walks instead of being carried.  And just enjoy those times when he does need us.  I know that he will know that he's always loved. 

The problem with being skinny

Huh?  I can hear you thinking already.  What's the problem with being skinny?

Well, quite a bit if you're me.  I've always been a bit on the slimmer side but since having kids and being either pregnant or breastfeeding (or both) for the past 6 and a half years I seem to have lost a bit of weight.  Technically I am only on the borderline of being 'underweight' according to the BMI calculator but physically I know I am not healthy. I always feel exhausted, I often feel sick or emotionally low, and I often catch viruses that are going around.

It's not that I'm eating unhealthy.  We actually eat pretty healthily around here.  It's just that after attending to all the kids' needs I often can't be bothered making something for myself.  I also don't like that feeling of being overfull so will usually graze across the day which probably doesn't equate to a decent meal!  And then there's the problem that I get sick of the same old thing day after day (and I'm too lazy to think of something different to eat) so often just won't eat.  I know I need to focus more on myself and my needs instead of the kids (something I'm going to work on this year!!)

It's interesting to see how being thin is perceived in the community though.  Other people will often look at me and comment positively about how skinny I am.  Depending on who it is, I will usually just accept the compliment and not bother explaining that being 'this' skinny is not necessarily a good thing! Lots of people just don't 'get it'. 

It always bewilders me how people can view being skinny as healthy yet those that are a little 'larger' are unhealthy.  I guess it's just the images we are hit with in the media that makes skinny seem more attractive.  And I guess I can't blame people for being indoctrinated into these beliefs.

I think it's about time that we change our perceptions though.  Skinny does not always equal healthy.  And being large does not always equal unhealthy.  Let's refrain from making judgements about people based on their body size.  Meanwhile, I'm going to focus on looking after me and making sure I eat well so that I can be a healthier person! 

The Big Bang

You may have noticed that I've been a bit quiet on here lately (well, quieter than usual - I'm a bit of a sporadic blogger at the best of times anyway!)  The reason is that we've had some problems with our power.  Just over a week ago we had an overhead power line outside our house break.  It produced quite a spectacular bang.  And the kids were excited to watch the resulting fire trucks arrive who secured the live wire that was lying on the ground. 

We were without power for 30 hours while repairs were done.  As if that wasn't annoying enough, the surge blew out the air conditioner, dishwasher, computer, printer and modem.  So we (read Chris) have been busy organising repair people to come out and replacements for things that can't be fixed.  And did I already mention that this same thing happened a year ago?  Yep, we've been through this before.  It took ages for everything to be repaired last time too - we had a lot of trouble with the air conditioner (it didn't help that the company sent a faulty part!)

Luckily, the power company *should* cover some of the cost.  Although we will have to pay out of pocket for a few things including the dishwasher (which is so old they no longer make the parts for it!)  I just hope that this same thing doesn't happen again next year - I will be one very angry woman if it does ;)

The reason I haven't been online much is because I have to use the laptop to do my posts now.  I think I live in the dark ages because I find the laptop more frustrating to use than the home computer!  And it's a bit more fiddly to upload photos on here.
 
Hopefully I'll be back online properly very soon, the computer is being repaired as we speak...I'm looking forward to catching up on lots of craft posts when I do!  

The balancing act

This year I made the decision to go back to work for one day a week.  Gideon was 7 months old when I returned.  I have blogged previously about the mummy guilt I felt at returning to work. Three terms down the track though and I still feel a little this way.  It's not exactly the same feeling as I had before I started but it definitely feels like a real balancing act between my home life and my work life. 

My Mum is doing an awesome job looking after the three kids.  And I know Gideon is fine without feeds and without me there now.  In fact, he probably sleeps better for Mum than he does for me at home!  But there has been quite a few times this year that Gideon has been sick and I have had to take time off work (Gideon seems to get a whole lot more respiratory sicknesses than the other kids ever did which we suspect is due to his adenoids - but that's a whole other story ;)) or he's not been 100% and I have still gone to work.

The hard bit is making that call.  Do I take time off or do I go to work?  How much time off is ok without being excessive?  If I do take time off I feel like I am letting work down (and my students - I work at a special school so having a day off means the kids have a replacement teacher or their class split and their routine is disrupted for the day).  If I don't take time off I feel like I am letting my kids down.  For me, family comes first.  It's not even a question.  When the kids are obviously sick I take time off.  But sometimes they are just not 100% and you have to make decisions about whether you should or shouldn't go to work (and then end up feeling guilty all day if you do decide to go to work!)

My mum has an auto-immune disorder too so if the kids are even a little bit sick it is higher likely that she will get whatever they have.  So I feel guilty whenever I send them off with a sniffle or the like that she is going to end up sick as well! 

Then there's been times that I have missed things at Jacob's school because I've been working.  All the special occasions at Jacob's school this year have been on Fridays.  I've had to miss his Autumn Festival and his Spring Festival (for which the kids did a little Eurythmy performancy - I was really sad to miss this!)  I know that my mum loves going to these but gee I feel guilty for being the only mummy not there for her son.  In my mind I am not performing my 'duties' as a mum (no offence intended for other mums that choose to work - this is just how I feel about things myself!)

Teaching is a pretty child friendly job. I get school holidays off to look after my kids and I don't have to put in extremely long hours in face-to-face time (I say face-to-face time because teachers do actually put in a lot more hours away from the classroom!)  But sometimes I wish I could have a job that is more flexible. One that I can work my hours around my children's needs and take time off to see those important performances by my kids.  

But then again, I love my job.  I love working with kids with special needs and taking delight in every small achievement they make.  And I can't really do what I do without being away from home!  So where does that leave me?  I'm not quite sure!  I suspect that this mummy guilt will continue until my kids are all grown up.  In the meantime I shall just have to learn to deal with it.  

For others that work outside the home how do you find balancing work/family life? 

Why I quit Facebook

I love Facebook for a multitude of reasons.  Not least of which is being able to keep in touch with friends who live far away and share information quickly and easily with them. I also dislike it for a number of reasons.  And it is for those reasons that I have chosen to deactivate my account for the moment. 

Facebook can be a huge time waster.  It is very easy to sit there and scroll through pages to find out what is happening in your friend's lives, catch up on groups you belong to and check out businesses.  I just found that Facebook was taking up more and more of my time.  I would literally feel compelled to sit down at the computer and check it at certain times of the day.  And that was taking time away from my children and my life which, to me, wasn't right.  I used to justify things and say that my time on Facebook was my 'time out' from the kids.  But it got to the stage when I would 'have to' just do something on Facebook and the kids needs got put to the background while I did that something.

I also found that I was judging myself by other people's posts.  While I knew in my heart that people don't always put up honest posts, I always felt that I was inadequate in my parenting/life when I'd read a post about how someone had cleaned their whole house, baked, done such-and-such an activity with the kids, and so on.  I felt like I just couldn't compete (and for those that did and do put up honest posts - I thank you!) 

As much as I hate to admit it too, I do have a jealous streak.  I wish I could be one of those people that is happy with their lot in life (and believe me I am trying to be) but I'd often see posts about people doing such-and-such or having such-and-such and I would feel jealous.  It got to a stage where even going on Facebook would leave me with a horrible feeling and so I knew it was time to get off there.

It does make me a little sad that most people haven't even noticed that I have left Facebook.  I've had no emails or anything from people that I thought I was quite good friends with.  Which makes me believe that they have so many friends on their Facebook account that someone leaving their friend count does not even make a blip on their radar. 

And that's another thing that bugs me about Facebook - the anonymity of it all.  Most people are friends with so many people that  if their count dropped they wouldn't even know who it was that left their friend's list.  At least I always used to notice when my friend count dropped and made an effort to find out who was actually missing!

It just all feels so superficial. Whatever happened to picking up the phone or connecting with someone in real life (or even email is a bit more personal than Facebook!!)  I feel sad that things have come to this.  And the sadder thing is that I think my Facebook hiatus will have to come to an end soon.  Mainly because I need it to keep a connection with friends.  I also need to help moderate our local ABA group page and lots of businesses only have Facebook pages these days too! 

I definitely think I will be changing the way I use Facebook in the future though.  I will be using it more as a tool to do things rather than as something that controls my life.  I've really enjoyed these couple of months without it in my life.  

Time of my life

I was just thinking back over my life the other day and realised that having and raising little children has been the best stage of my life so far. Sure, it can be overwhelming sometimes. It can be exhausting. It can be frustrating. It can be challenging. It can be heart-wrenching. But I would not have things any other way. I love my life, and the chaos that can ensue around here! I love the fact that I am responsible for raising these little people and teaching them to be good human beings. I love that, at this age, they are so formative and that I can have such an important role in helping 'shape' them (I hesitate to say 'mould' as I think children will take their own path in life and all we can do is guide them along the way - ultimately they will be what they will be!)

I struggled when I was growing up. To be accepted. To be confident in myself. I didn't like the person I was. Having kids has changed all of that. All of a sudden I have these little people that I am responsible for. I need to be brave and I need to be confident for them. It's truly amazing how much courage you have when you have to stand up for your own kids! They have taught me that I'm a pretty ok person just the way I am and they love me unconditionally. Which in turn has given me confidence. I love that my body has grown and nurtured my children and I am so proud of what it is! Having children has also made me a much more social person. I have always struggled meeting and talking to new people but suddenly I share a common experience with so many other people. We all share the same fears and frustrations. I have met and made so many new friends that I never would have expected to in the past.

It's so beautiful seeing my kids at this stage in their life. I'm amazed at how quickly they grow and change. How one second they are just little babies and then the next they are their own little people with such strong personalities. I love seeing all three of my kids interacting with each other. Hearing Jacob and Esme have 'serious' discussions about all the really important things in life (like what the 'fox' in our backyard has been responsible for doing!), watching the two kids making Gideon laugh as they run around, screaming. I love that, even though the tantrums can be so full on, Jacob will turn around and say that he 'loves Mummy and Daddy'. Usually every day!

I feel a little sad when I think about this stage of my life finishing. Of never being pregnant again and experiencing the miracle of a new life. Of seeing my first (or last!) child off to school. I wonder exactly what I'll do with all my spare time when that happens (yeah, yeah, I know I won't really have trouble filling that in!) This year Jacob starts school and I feel a bit like it's the end of an era. I will not have all my kids at home with me ever again (unless I do decide to homeschool in the end!) I think I will be *that* Mum in the corner shedding a quiet tear!

So, all you other Mums that have been there and done that - please reassure me that there is light at the end of the tunnel. That the next stages in life are just as enjoyable! (I think I really do know that...it's just hard to let go of this stage!)

Is he a good baby?

Why, of course he is! How can a baby not be 'good'? This is the question that I've been asked so many times when I've had a newborn baby in my arms and it drives me a little batty (I'm sure many of my friends will share in my frustrations here!)

I know that answer is not what people expect to hear when they ask the question though...

That's because, to many people, a 'good' baby means that a) the baby doesn't cry much, b) the baby sleeps well at night AND during the day, c) the baby will lie happily by itself and d) the baby will not feed often.

Call me silly, but are these not totally unrealistic expectations of a newborn (or indeed any young child)?! A newborn has just spent 9 months inside the mother's tummy being nurtured, comforted and fed continuously. Why do we suddenly expect him to sleep by himself or not need to be held or to wait 4 hours in between feeds?? I love the idea of a fourth trimester - a time when baby is making the transition from being in their Mother's tummy to adjusting to the outside world, a time when they most need to be held close and nurtured.

I understand that sometimes babies do fall under people's definitions of a 'good' baby however I don't think this is the norm (and it's certainly not something I've ever experienced with my spirited babies ;)) nor an expectation we should have. It's easy to see why first time parents fall into the trap of following strict routines with their babies instead of following their instincts (yep, I was one of them with my first!)

So many people have commented that Gideon seems to be a 'good' baby. I love to tell people that he's only a 'good' baby because his needs are being met straight away. He is carried in the sling during the day, he sleeps on our chest at night and he is fed whenever he wants it. I have no doubt that he would cry a lot more if we didn't meet his needs straight away. I'm not saying that he doesn't ever cry or is never unsettled but when he does cry it is always done in our arms, not in a cot by himself.

Babies are a blessing and it makes me sad to think that they are categorised as 'difficult' if they don't follow what society deems as a 'good' baby.

So...the next time you go to ask someone if they have a 'good' baby please think twice!

If you want to understand more about why we shouldn't expect children to sleep through the night until they are 3 or 4 years old, Kathy Dettwyler has written an excellent article

Embracing the 'baby' stage

I've always struggled with the 'baby' stage of my children's lives. It can make me feel a little claustrophobic. Suddenly there's this little person who just requires so much of my time. Needing to be fed. Needing to be held. Needing nappy changes. And that's on top of being sleep deprived and exhausted already! I can find it really overwhelming not being able to have any time for myself. And it's scary having the responsibility of caring for this little person!

But that was how I felt in the past...

Something has changed with Gideon's birth. All of a sudden I want to cherish this special time with him. To enjoy this time with him as a baby, instead of wishing it away to when he is older and more independent. I remember with both of the other two wishing they would sleep by themselves so I could just get a moment by myself. This time I don't care. Gideon sleeps in the sling on me during the day and at night time sleeps either on Chris' chest or my chest. I love watching him sleep, seeing that blissed out look on his face and watching his little eyes flicker as he dreams. I love being able to rub my cheek on his and feel his soft skin. I love feeling the warmth of his body against mine and hearing him breathe.

The night time wakings don't seem as hard as they did with the other two. Sure, it would be nice to have more sleep but I don't feel that resentment that I did with the other two. I guess I have perspective this time around which makes things a whole lot easier to accept. I know that the night wakings won't be forever and that it will end eventually. It took Jacob and Esme 2 + years to sleep through the night but really that is only the blink of an eye in the whole scheme of things. I am only just starting to realise this and it makes me a little sad.

I think losing my two babies has had a part in changing my thinking - those two babies must have come to teach me this! Everything else seems so unimportant when I look at my little boy and realise how blessed I am to have been given him. I am so aware of time passing by ( 6 weeks old already!) and I want to enjoy this stage while it lasts. I'm guessing it won't be long before he's moving around and becoming his own little person...

Schooling decisions

How do you know if you're making the right choice for your child? This is the point we are at with our decision making process at the moment. Jacob is in his final year at Steiner Kinder this year and so we are having to decide where to send him to school next year. Or, indeed, *if* we decide to send him to school.

I love the thought of homeschooling. I know that I am capable of it and I know that Jacob would really flourish with homeschooling. He has that insatiable thirst for knowledge that would make teaching him very easy. BUT I worry that I won't be able to give Jacob as much attention as he deserves by homeschooling him. Esme is a child that needs a lot of attention (I hate to use the word 'demanding') and with another baby on the way I think Jacob's learning will be neglected while I look after the other kids. Part time home-schooling is still an option on the cards I guess but will require some more thought on my part!

We have been very happy with the Steiner Kinder and are very comfortable with the philosophies and beliefs behind Steiner. Jacob has changed a lot since he started Kinder and we believe it's the Steiner education that has created this positive change in him. I guess our first choice in a school for Jacob would be Steiner. But that all depends on whether we have the money to send our children through the Steiner school system. It's not that expensive in terms of other private/independant schools but a lot more than what you'd pay in a government school of course!

We are fortunate enough to be living in an area with lots of great government schools as well. But I can't help thinking that if we send Jacob there then we will regret not sending him to a Steiner School. It feels like such a huge decision and something that is going to impact on his life forever. I don't feel ready to make these big decisions yet! But, I guess that's the way it is with parenting. You make these choices and hope like hell that you have made the right ones for your child.

Bad Habits

I have one really bad habit that I wish I could stop.

I am kind of embarrassed to admit it but...





I chew my nails!

Not just my nails but the skin around them too. I am really ashamed of this habit and the way my fingers look. I will often try to hide them from other people and whenever I have to sign receipts I am conscious of people looking at them. They really look disgusting, the skin is always red and raw and often bleeding in places.

It's a habit that's always been with me. I tend to do it when I'm stressed or anxious or emotional or even bored. It was worse in my teenage years when I was at High School. All my nails were constantly chewed down low. They would often hurt and throb at night when I was trying to sleep. But the pain didn't stop me chewing them! Sometimes I wonder if this habit is some weird form of self harm behaviour - some sort of physical outlet to the stress and emotions I am feeling and can't deal with.

I've tried everything I can think of to stop but nothing seems to work. I've tried that bitter solution you put on your fingers, I've tried chewing gum, I've tried getting people to remind me when I'm chewing my nails, I've tried things for my hands to fiddle with and I've tried sheer will power. Will power works for a while and my nails will grow for a little while but all it takes is for another stressful situation to happen and I'm back to it again! I hate it. At the moment I'm in that 'in between stage'. Some of my nails still look fine but some not so good.

I would really, really like to stop chewing my nails now though so from this day forward I am making the pledge. It's in writing now so there's no going back! Any friends or family who see me chewing my nails feel free to remind me of this. Although I usually only do it when at home so Chris, it's up to you! ;)

Well, I've shared my bad habit with you all now, feel free to share yours!

I want

I am not a materialistic person. In fact, I would go so far as to say that I am quite the opposite. We don't have a big house. We only have one car. We don't keep up with the latest fashion trends. We're not obsessed with having the latest gadgets. I truly believe that what matters in life is that we are happy and healthy. That our children are nurtured and brought up with respect and gentleness.

It's just that sometimes I am consumed with this strange desire to acquire stuff! I don't know whether it's just me or whether it happens to everyone but sometimes I just sit here dreaming of having a bigger house or will find myself browsing through online catalogues for cute clothes for the kids. Often when I go to other people's houses I will look around and think 'oh, I wish we had that' and I feel that tiny bit of jealousy creep in.

The truth is we don't need this stuff. Nor do we have the money to buy it! So why do I feel like this? Maybe it's to do with the way the world works. Having stuff is often seen as a sign of success. That big house, two cars, the latest clothes, and so on. But the truth is, it doesn't always make you happy!

Of course, surrounding yourself with people who have the same sorts of thoughts as you helps a lot. I remember a conversation I had with another girl when I used to go to Mother's Group. This was when they were talking about reducing the baby bonus. She was complaining because if it was reduced they wouldn't be able to upgrade to a bigger car (they already had two cars, including a 4WD, as well as a big house AND a rental property!) I, on the other hand, was planning on using the majority of my baby bonus money to pay for my homebirth. Needless to say, I stopped going to that group pretty quickly!

I guess it's always going to be a natural instinct for me to want more. But I need to look at the positive side to not having more. A bigger house would mean more cleaning. Another car would mean more money spent on rego and insurance. The latest fashion would mean that I'm not getting that 'one of a kind' item of clothing that comes from scouting the op shops.

Those are good enough reasons for me at the moment.

Sometimes I just want more

This week I've really been struggling with my role as a stay-at-home-mum.

For the past few days we've been stuck at home (Steiner school holidays started this week so we haven't had our usual activities.) Admittedly that's been my own doing. I decided I'd like one day at home, then the next day I was planning on taking the kids to the playground but couldn't be bothered, and then the day after that one I went to take them out to the library and the car battery was flat!

Anyway, the kids spent those days whingeing, demanding things from me and fighting with each other. I didn't get a moment's peace. I had even organised some activities for them but these ended up just frustrating them or causing arguments between them.

By the end of those few days I was just about mental, in desperate need of adult company, and some time out (luckily I have a wonderful husband who's happy to just take over the moment he walks in the door!) Not only was I fed up with the demands of being a Mum but I was also bored out of my brain trying to entertain two little kids. Yes, I'm actually admitting it! Sometimes this job is just boring!

It got me to thinking. Is this it? Is this my life for the next, oh, 10-15 years? To be yelled at, shouted at, demanded things of and to be a general punching bag? Sometimes I would just like a little bit of respect and some acknowledgment of all my efforts. Why on Earth did I want kids in the first place and why on Earth do I want a baby so badly?

Of course, I don't really feel like this. This is just how I feel on a bad day when the kids spend the day whingeing, complaining and demanding. We also have days that are absolutely perfect when the kids are happy, loving and enjoying everything. These are the days when I think Motherhood might actually be bliss.

I love that I have such an important role in my children's life. That I can be their source of comfort and their soft place to fall when all is not right. That I am responsible for their nurturing and ensuring that they are happy and healthy. Sometimes it's worth putting up with all this for the rewards you get.

Sometimes I do just want more but I wouldn't change my role as a SAHM for anything despite just how darn hard the job can be sometimes! In the meantime, it's time to start taking care of myself and making myself feel valued. Next year I am hoping to return to work one day a week on a permanent basis (while the children are nurtured under their grandparents care) which will hopefully give me my own 'identity'. I also need to make sure that I have some activities with adult company when it's school holiday because parenting alone is a very isolating experience!

TV free kids

Our kids don't watch TV.

It hasn't always been this way though. When Jacob was little (probably from about 18 months+) he used to watch at least an hour of TV each night. It would get to about 4.30 and he would be tired and grumpy (by this stage he'd dropped his day sleep!) and I would just be wanting a break from it all. So the TV went on. He was always one of those kids that would quite happily sit in front of the TV and watch. It was never anything terribly bad. Just playschool type shows.

It wasn't until he was a bit older that I started reading and hearing about how it was better for young children not to watch TV. By that stage I had Esme. She was also completely different to Jacob in that she doesn't like to sit still so if I put the TV on wanting a break from the kids she would still be coming over to me wanting my attention. So I gave up on that idea. For a while I would still use the TV occasionally, usually when I was at the end of my tether with the kids.

But then I realised that there were other, better, ways to calm myself and the kids down when we'd all had enough of each other! Often just making a complete change of activity would help; like taking all the cushions off the couch and putting a blanket on top of it to make a mountain or, simply, sitting down on the bean bag with the kids and some books.

And so our TV free journey began ;) I can't say I miss it at all. And I love that the kids are not caught up in all the 'merchandising' that goes with TV. I'm hoping to keep it this way as long as I can! I know the kids will be subject to outside influences as they grow up (although hoping to somewhat alleviate this by sending them through Steiner education ;)) but for now this is our choice.

Now, I just wish we could do something about the adults in the house watching TV ;)

I have a confession to make...

I hate using the phone.

I am deadly serious. I will go out of my way to avoid making phone calls. Friends, family, it doesn't matter who it is. Even if it's just a call to the local take away shop to order dinner I will avoid doing it. I'm sure I must drive Chris mad as he's forced to make all these phone calls that I won't do myself!

I don't know what it is about talking on the phone that I hate so much. Perhaps it's because I'm not the most articulate person and I worry about not coming across the right way over the phone. I am more than happy to talk to people in real life but the thought of talking on the phone leaves me a little, uhhhh...tongue-tied?

The only problem is I'm not so reliable on the old text messaging either. I do read them but often don't reply to them for days on end. Really need to work on getting used to that predictive text thing *blush*

So, friends, if I you haven't heard from me lately, I hope you understand why. And you may want to try email, msn or facebook for getting in contact with me. I am much more reliable there ;)

That word

N-A-U-G-H-T-Y

It's such a commonly used word when it comes to children. 'You're such a naughty boy/girl' and 'that was a really naughty thing to do'. I hear it all the time.

But the truth is, I hate the word with a passion! And I don't think it's an appropriate word to use with children. It's not constructive and it doesn't give them any feedback about what they are actually doing wrong.

Children need to know why their behaviour is inappropriate and given gentle guidance to help them do the right thing. They don't need a smack on the bum and to be told they're 'naughty'. That doesn't teach them anything. In fact, they are more likely to imitate that behaviour and to go around repeating 'naughty. naughty'. Which doesn't do anything but annoy the parents!!

And yes, I have been known to use the word 'naughty' at times. Usually in the case of extreme frustration, when I can't think of anything better to say. Which just goes to prove my point that the word 'naughty' has very little meaning.

Taking things at a slower pace

It's school holidays here at the moment, so the kids and I are enjoying some lazy days at home. And I have to say, I love it! During the term we are just so busy and it's nice to be able to just sit back and take things at a much slower pace. I've been able to do lots of stuff with the kids that I wouldn't normally get time to do. Things like cooking, gardening and lots of hands on messy activities.

The thing that amazes me the most is that I am really enjoying their company! During the term I feel like I am always rushing to get the kids out the door by a certain time and hurrying them along to the next activity. This ends up with one frustrated Mummy and upset kids because they've been rushed. The kids inevitably end up tired and grumpy during the day which leads to more arguments between them and me having no patience to deal with them! Can you see how it all has a ripple effect ;)

Don't get me wrong, I do enjoy all the activities we do but I think sometimes we get too caught up in the general 'busyness' of life and it's nice to have a break sometimes!

One week to go and then it's back to the usual hustle and bustle!! In the meantime, you'll find me at home with the kids, enjoying their company!

10 things I've learnt about dealing with kids

*You need to have an infinite amount of patience

*Don't rush them (attempts to rush them will only result in them moving even slower!)

*Be prepared to do everything at a snail's pace or at the speed of a cyclone.

*Making a gradual transition between activities is important (ie. if they're playing with one thing don't just start packing up and telling them they are now going to do something else.)

*Be prepared to repeat instructions a million times

*Make sure you get down to their level and look at them when you are giving instructions (it works a lot better then yelling, trust me ;))

*Empathy! Understand that the world can be a confusing place for little people who don't always know how to deal with their own emotions. Tantrums are usually the result of frustration rather than them trying to get the better of you.

*You don't need a stack of toys to entertain young kids. Let them follow you and help you with your jobs. Or else send them outside to play in the dirt ;)

*Sleeping does improve as they get older! I know it's hard but try to accept that little kids do not usually sleep for 12 hours straight. These years pass too quickly, so try not to get too stressed about their sleeping!

*Last but not least, be prepared for lots of hugs and unconditional love.

Finding time to do the things you love

With two young kids, I struggle to get anything done. Somedays it feels like I spend the whole day just keeping up with the household chores. There's always something to do around the house. Washing. Vacumning. Cleaning bathrooms. Emptying dishwashers. Tidying up after the kids. You get the general idea! I try to keep up with everything each day because I know that, if I don't, I will just end up with a bigger workload the next day!

Unfortunately, this kind of thinking doesn't really allow me much time to do the things I love. Like sewing. About a year or so ago I started to really get into sewing and I have been enjoying making some cute clothes for Esme (and a few for me too). I hadn't really done much lately though because I've be so focused on the everyday tasks that need to be done. It's been about a month since I last got around to sewing which made me a little sad.

This weekend I decided that I was definately going to find time to do some sewing. And I did! I ended up finishing a little cordoroy dress for Esme and have almost finished making a pair of matching pants as well (I'll post some pictures when the pants are finished). I purposely made the choice to ignore the mess that was rapidly piling up around me. Not an easy thing to do but I had decided that it was time to put the things I love doing ahead of all the other dreary household jobs. And I feel so much better for having made the time to do something for myself too!

And you know the best bit about it all? The house didn't fall apart without me doing all these things! Sure, it required a bit of work to get it back to a clean state on Sunday afternoon. But it was worth it in the end :)

My temper

People are always surprised when I tell them I have a temper. I'm not sure why. I guess it's because, on the surface, I appear to be a very calm and quiet type of person. I guess I do have a lot of patience. After all, I used to work as a special education teacher which required a LOT of patience. But there comes a point when I just reach the end of my tether and I explode! Unfortunately, it's usually my family that bear the brunt of my frustrations (especially Chris!) I've been known to do and say some pretty silly things in the middle of a rage. Even throwing things and breaking things is not unheard of.

I think having kids has really brought the issue of my temper to the forefront. Don't get me wrong, I love being a Mum but kids just have a way of doing things sometimes that frustrate you. Or irritate you. Or just plain make you mad! I have been known to yell and scream at the kids when things such as fighting or whingeing or not listening to my instructions have been going on all day. Not really the ideal solution to the problem! But hey, I freely admit I'm not a perfect Mum ;)

I've been working hard on my temper since having kids. It all started back when Jacob was born. I was diagnosed with PND when he was about 7 months old and was really struggling with controlling my temper with him. I used to feel such incredible anger towards him when he wouldn't sleep or 'conform' to what I wanted him to do (luckily I'm a lot more relaxed parent now ;)) I started seeing a psychologist who worked with me on strategies to control my temper. We worked a lot on recognising the signs of anger and learning to walk away from the situation or utilising strategies to calm down, as well as changing my thought patterns, ie. instead of thinking 'you're tired. You need to sleep now' thinking 'it would be nice if you went to sleep but it might not happen'.

All of these strategies I continue to use but controlling my temper is still something I battle with on a daily basis. I have to mentally make the choice not to explode every time I feel this anger. Sometimes I win the battle. Sometimes I don't. But I'm getting there.