Monday, April 11, 2011
Today is a day of remembering. It is the due date of our second little angel. I actually feel quite positive about today although there is a tinge of sadness mixed with that. This due date is so different to the due date of our first little angel (in August last year). Last time I was in the early stages of pregnancy and faced with uncertainty that the pregnancy was going to continue.
This time around, I am pregnant again but a lot further along. I know the baby I am carrying is healthy and growing well which makes the passing of this date a lot easier. Of course, I always wonder about what might have been but I'm ok with the way things have turned out.
I also feel that in some ways the baby I lost is letting me know that everything will be ok. An interesting 'coincidence' occurred the other day which led me to think this. I hadn't been in touch with my midwife for awhile and when I rang her she told me that she had made an appointment for me but hadn't told me when it was. Then she told me it was the 11th of April - today. So I got to hear this baby's heartbeat today and to talk about about the new life I am growing, instead of focusing on what I don't have right now.
To remember this day and the two babies I lost, Chris and I made an angel. I have hung it our bedroom and like to think that the spirits of my two babies are looking down on me. The beads I used for the angel are swarovski beads so when the light shines through them they make beautiful patterns on the walls. The two big beads on the angel's halo represent the birthstone colours for the months that our babies were due.
The two babies I lost will always have a place in my heart. But I'm happy now to look to the future.